Closer
by kt2785
Summary: Can Sawyer and Kate find happiness off the island?
1. Chapter 1

**A.N. I haven't written a story in forever. I decided to start one. It may or may not be a work in progress.**

Kate was in her bedroom going back and forth in her mind, trying to decide what to do. She walked into the front hallway. There was a small pile of stuff in the hallway. He opened the front door and was holding two cups of coffee and a bag with what Kate knew was muffins.

"One last coffee?" he asked with a small smile. She took one of the cups from him and sat down on the couch.

"You don't have to leave," she said.

"Yeah I do," he nodded. "It was supposed to be temporary remember? Just a few days, till I got back on my feet. Miles only stayed a day. Claire…Claire stayed a month, and she's got a baby."

"He's not really a baby anymore," she whispered.

"It's been almost 3 months Kate," he continued. "I can't stay here forever."

She nodded and chuckled, but stayed mostly quiet. She quietly ate her chocolate chip muffin and drank the coffee. After they were done eating Kate walked Sawyer out to his car and helped him load in the boxes. He opened the car door to get in, and then turned back to face her. His hand was resting on the edge of the door. She put her hand on top of his and leaned forward. He hugged her without saying anything and then got into the car.

"See ya around," he murmured.

"Wait!" she exclaimed. "I'll be right back. Don't leave."

She ran back into the house. Sawyer stood up and waited for her to come back. It didn't take her very long to come back. She handed him a picture. He looked down and it was a picture of Kate with two kids. One was Aaron, the other was a girl with blonde hair. Kate was giving both kids bunny ears. He chuckled and didn't ask her who was in the picture.

"If you want her phone number, just let me know," she said.

"Ok," he nodded.

"Ok, you want her number? Or ok-" she began.

"I'll let you know," he answered. "Bye Freckles."

"Bye," she whispered.

She stood in the driveway while Sawyer drove away. He waved slightly and she chuckled again. She turned back around to go back into the house, instead of watching him leave. The house was quiet. When they first got back, Kate opened her home to everyone. Frank stayed the night, Miles stayed a few days, while Claire decided to stay for a while to get back in the swing of things with Aaron. Aaron had already stopped calling Kate mom. Every time he called her Kate it was like a knife in her chest. She knew it wouldn't last forever. Even when Claire was stuck on the island, she knew that she wouldn't have Aaron forever, but it didn't make it hurt any less. She was glad that Sawyer had stayed, but the moment he came home telling her he had gotten a job, she knew that he would leave.

He drove down the road and looked in his rearview mirror. He was grateful that Kate had let him stay as long as he did, but he didn't want to impose any longer. He didn't even have a place set up to stay, but he knew he had to leave. He had been getting to know her every night. They ate dinner together. She had asked him several times if he wanted to see a picture of his daughter. It was obvious that she wanted him to meet her, but she knew that he wasn't ready yet. He put the picture in the visor of his car. He pulled into the motel parking lot and sat in his car for a long time before leaving his car.

Kate was eating dinner by herself. It was the first time since before she had Aaron. It was sort of a depressing thought. When her phone rang, it was so loud that it made her jump. She didn't recognize the number. She almost didn't answer it, but then decided it wasn't going to hurt.

"Hello, this is Kate," she said.

"I know your name," the voice said "Do you want company? You look lonely, eating all by yourself."

"Who is this?" she asked.

"It's Sawyer," he replied, sounded offended.

"Sorry," she chuckled. "It didn't sound like you. Besides, how do you know I'm eating by myself."

She got up from the table and walked into the front hall. While still holding on to the phone, she opened the front door. Sawyer was standing on the front porch. He hung up the phone and looked at her.

"Hey Freckles," he said.

"What are you doing?" she asked. "I mean…that sort of came out wrong. I just mean…you just left, so I didn't expect you to come back so soon."

"Well, the empty motel room was a little depressing," he replied.

"That's ridiculous James," she shook her head and crossed her arms. "You're staying in a motel? You didn't even find an apartment first before leaving? Was it really that awful living with me?"

She turned around because she could feel the tears stinging her eyes. He sighed and touched her shoulder. She pulled her shoulder away from him and started walking back into the kitchen. He followed at a safe distance and they both sat down at the kitchen table.

"No," he responded quietly. "It was the exact opposite Kate. It was becoming too comfortable. We were doing this whole playin' house thing. You made me dinner every night. It was like we were an old married couple without the perks. I couldn't stay here anymore. You were just a woman I crashed on an island with. Just a friend. Just an acquaintance. But there's a problem."

"What?" she scoffed.

"You're always going to be more than just a friend. More than just a woman I crashed on an island with," he told her. She took a short breath and turned her face from him again. He got up from the table and went to the freezer. He got the ice cream out and handed it to Kate. She sniffled and brushed the tears away. She got back up and started scooping the ice cream into bowls.

"Thank you," she said.

"For what?" he asked.

"For being here," she replied. "I mean I know you're not staying. I get that…but-I'm never going to see Jack again. He might be dead…he probably is. I didn't want to be alone."

"Y'know, after Juliet-" he started, but didn't continue right away. After a few seconds, that seemed like a much longer time, he continued. "I wanted everyone to leave me alone. I don't like to…let people know how I really feel. Do you remember when I told you I had never been in love?"

"Yeah," she nodded.

"Well, it really sucks," he exhaled sharply and got up. He took her ice cream bowl to the sink and started washing it. As he was washing it, his hands were shaking. The bowl slipped out of his hands and he dropped it in to the sink. It didn't break, he picked it back up, and it slipped again, this time crashing to the floor and shattering. Kate stood up to help clean it up. He bent down and began picking up the pieces.

"Be careful," she said quietly. He wasn't being careful at all and soon Kate noticed shallow scrapes on his hands. He kept working and throwing the pieces of the broken bowl into the garbage.

"Don't cut yourself Kate," he stated, as she tried helping.

"Stop it," she pushed his hands away from the mess and got up to get the broom. He didn't stop, and was picking up the tiny pieces. She bent back down and put her hand on his shoulder. "Stop. Stop!"

Finally he snapped out of it and stood up. He started washing his hands. She looked down, his hands were scraped, but most of them were superficial. She took his hand in hers and looked at it. He stayed silent as she wiped his hands with a towel. She gave him a small smile. Her hair fell into her face. He reached forward with his hand that wasn't bleeding and brushed it out of her face. She flinched slightly. He shook his head and let out a soft laugh.

"Sorry Freckles," he said. "I shouldn't have come."

"It's fine," she replied. "It's just a dumb bowl."

"I should go," he sighed. He started walking toward the door, and she followed.

"So you came for 10 minutes to eat ice cream?" she asked. "That seems really pointless. You can stay."

"No, I really can't," he answered.

"Please?" she whispered. "Don't leave. I'm not ready for you to not be here. You've been here almost 3 months. We haven't had any issues with it so far. I'm comfortable with you here."

"I think we already went through this Freckles," he began. "The whole playing house, comfortable thing, doesn't work."

"We could play I Never," she responded. She went to the liquor cabinet and got out the bottle of vodka. When she walked back toward him, he shook his head.

"Goodnight Freckles," he said. He put his hand on her arm and walked out of the front door. She closed her eyes and walked over to the couch with the bottle.


	2. Chapter 2

_Flashback_

_ Jack slammed the door behind him. Kate jumped slightly, but Aaron didn't. He frowned and looked at Kate. He silently put his hand on her cheek. She kissed him and carried him upstairs. She put Aaron in his bed, and he touched her cheek again. _

"_Don't cry momma," he said softly. She laid there with him till he fell back to sleep. When she went back to her room, she sighed deeply and shut the door behind her. She didn't want to go to bed alone. She was worried about Jack. When she went upstairs with Aaron, she heard him peel out of the driveway. Driving drunk. She hoped that he would be ok, but she couldn't follow him. Jack knew that. _

Sawyer left. She knew she shouldn't be upset. She also knew that he couldn't stay. They both needed to get back to normal routines. Kate wouldn't ever have her normal routine again though. Kate's routine consisted of taking care of Aaron and that was it. Sawyer couldn't get back to normal either. His normal was on the island, with Juliet. Kate kept thinking about Sawyer and Juliet, and Juliet and Jack. This awkward love square, that would never really end, except now it had ended. Jack and Juliet were dead. Kate walked over to the couch with the bottle of vodka. She grabbed a glass and poured herself a shot. She lifted it to her mouth, but set the glass back down before the liquor touched her mouth. She stood up and went into the kitchen with the bottle and the glass. As she tipped the glass slowly, she stopped again and set the glass down, still filled with vodka. She poured coke into the vodka. She took a large gulp and then added more vodka. She licked the extra vodka off the rim of the bottle.

_It had been a few days since he left. She was tucking Aaron in. Aaron put his hand up as she read him a story._

_ "Where's Jack?" he asked._

_ "I don't know baby," she told him. She didn't really know, but she had an idea. She figured that he was either on a bender, or dead in a ditch. But she couldn't let herself think about that. He had to be ok. She kissed Aaron on the forehead and went into her bedroom. _

_It felt so empty since he left. She got into bed, even though it was still early. She had been going to bed at the same time as Aaron since Jack left. The bed was inviting and comfortable. The covers were pulled all the way up to her chin. She was laying on her side. She was half asleep, but she woke up when she felt his arms come around her. He kissed her neck, and then she flipped over. She kissed him on the lips and moved closer. He tasted like alcohol and cigarettes._

"_You don't smoke," she whispered and backed away. _

"_Sawyer does," he told her. He rolled them so he was on top of her. He kissed her again, and she kissed him back at first, but then moved her head. _

"_What are you doing?" she asked. _

"_You want him right?" he answered. "You're still all hung up on him. I can be more like him."_

"_Jack, I don't want you to be like him," she shook her head. "I want you to be you. Come on. Don't do this. Don't make me out to be the bad guy."_

"_He left!" Jack exclaimed. "He made his choice. He didn't want to come back. So why should you do anything for him."_

"_Because he asked me," she shook her head. She put her hands on his cheeks. "I love you. I'm marrying you. Don't do this." _

"_He's not even here, and I can't compete with him," he answered. "You're always going to hold a flame for him." _

"_That's right," she scoffed. "He's not here Jack. Remember…it's what you said. He's not here…you are. I love you."_

"_I don't love you anymore," he told her. She swallowed hard and closed her eyes._

"_You don't mean that," she said. "You're just-"_

_He got up out of the bed, and left the bedroom. Kate ran after him and grabbed his arm. He pulled his arm away from her and glared at her._

"_Don't follow me," he sneered. She held back her tears and let him leave._

Kate knew that Jack was just mad. People always said things they didn't mean when they were mad, or drunk, or both. Jack loved her. She knew that. She knew that even when he told her he hated her. And she knew it when she said goodbye to him on the island. She stumbled up the stairs. She hadn't been this drunk in a long time. When she walked past Aaron's room she briefly looked in. It was empty. When Claire left, she decided that it would be too painful to keep Aaron's room the same. Since she already had a guest room, she had left it mostly empty. There was a couple of random storage items in his room, stuff she didn't use on a regular basis, but stuff she didn't want to put up in the attic. She only looked into the old bedroom for a few seconds before going into her own room and getting into bed.

_He was kissing her lips. His hands were all over her body. She let out a soft breath, and moved closer to him. She ran her hands through his hair and then felt a third hand and then a fourth from behind her. She turned her head and Sawyer smirked at her. Jack was still running his hands over her back and arms as Sawyer took a turn kissing her. She moaned softly- _

She sat up quickly and opened her eyes. She looked at the clock. It was 8:00 and her phone was ringing. She sighed and picked it up.

"Hello?" she said groggily.

"Kate, I'm sorry I'm calling so early," Claire began. "I just wondered if you could watch Aaron today? I need to do some stuff with our passports."

Claire was going to take Aaron to Australia to visit his grandma. It was just for a visit and Kate knew she would be back, but she was nervous. She had a fear that Claire would decide to stay in Australia. Kate was so hungover from the night before, but she didn't want to miss a chance to see Aaron.

"Of course," Kate replied. "I'm never too busy for my little man…I mean-I don't mean-I'm sorry Claire."

"Don't be," Claire said quietly. "We'll be there soon."

"Yay, Kate!" Aaron's voice yelled in the background.

Kate smiled and hung up the phone. She went downstairs and heard movement. She didn't think anything of it at first, since it had been 3 months that Sawyer had been staying with her, but then she remembered that he had left. She went into the kitchen and saw him trying to get the coffee machine to work. It was a simple one cup at a time machine that you only had to push a couple buttons on, but Sawyer always had trouble with it, which was why he always went and got coffee from the coffee shop.

"Stupid son of a bitch," he mumbled at the coffee machine. He hit the side of it, and it turned on and started working. "That's right."

Kate couldn't help but let out a soft chuckle. He turned around and shook his head.

"How long were you standing there?" he asked.

"Long enough," she groaned slightly and sat down at the table. Sawyer handed her the cup of coffee that he just finished making for himself, and set the machine up to make another cup.

"You ok?" he asked. She didn't look up, she just looked at her coffee. Silently she pushed past Sawyer and went toward the kitchen cabinets. She couldn't get the lid off the aspirin. Sawyer walked toward her and opened it easily for her. She took two pills and swallowed them dry. Sawyer made a face, but she just went back to the table and drank her coffee. He sat down across from her and studied her face.

"So how much didja drink after I left last night?" he chuckled.

"Shut up," she shook her head. "What the hell are you doing here anyway? Don't get me wrong, I don't' care that you're here. I told you, you can stay as long as you want. But…you left yesterday. You said that you needed to get off on your own. And then last night you show up at my door, stay for 5 minutes, break a bowl, and then leave. Now you're back again? What's going on?"

"She's coming here," he whispered. "Last night after I left…I decided that I should find Cassidy's number. I know you said you would give it to me, but I wanted her to know it was all my idea. She's bringing Clementine…she's bringing Clementine here. In reality she just wants to take her to Disneyland, but she told me that I could meet her if I wanted."

"So you came here to tell me?" she asked.

"I don't really have many friends Freckles," he chuckled. "I mean, sure there's Miles. He's-he's cool, but he doesn't even live here anymore. He moved out east. I'm sorry. I shoulda called. I'm-"

"I told you. My door is always open," she responded. "Come any time you want. I'm babysitting Aaron today…you wanna stay and help?"

"Hmm, not really, but I will anyway," he smiled. "I'm guessing Aaron isn't going to be much fun for you, when you're all hungover and sick."

"Just don't tell Claire," she requested quietly. "I didn't want to miss the chance to see him...spend time with him. I mean, sure I've seen him since they left, but it's different from seeing him every day."

"I think you just answered your question Freckles," he whispered.

"What question?"

"What the hell am I doing here," he murmured, reminding her of the question she had just asked him

Kate and Sawyer spent the day hanging out with Aaron. They played games and Sawyer read stories to Aaron. Kate felt like crap for most of the day, but hid it well. Sawyer made Kate take a nap at one point, but it didn't last, because Aaron wanted her to come downstairs and play with Legos with him. When Claire came back, Aaron didn't want to leave. It almost made Kate happy because it meant that Aaron still loved her. She invited them to stay for dinner, but Claire had already made plans. She already had a group of friends that had nothing to do with Kate or the others. After they left Kate went into the kitchen and started making dinner.

"I'm gonna get going too Freckles," Sawyer said. "I've bugged you enough today. I'm sure I'll call you tomorrow though."

"Stay," she shook her head. "It _was_ really lonely eating alone last night. Please stay for dinner. I'll let you leave after, I promise."

"Ok," he answered. "I'll stay. But only because you look so pathetic when you beg."

They talked as she cooked, but only about things like the weather and Sawyer's new job. He was going to be managing a restaurant. Kate asked if there were any other jobs available. He told her he would find out for sure when he started the next week. Even though they had spent the last 3 months living together, they never really talked about anything serious. They had mentioned Jack and Juliet a few times, but each time it was too painful, so they always stopped.

"I killed Sawyer," Sawyer said softly, but suddenly.

"What?" Kate asked. She sat down at the table, and let the chicken simmer.

"I've been wanting to tell you," he continued. "There just hasn't really been a good time. It was over 3 years ago. A few days before we were rescued….well a few days before you were rescued. I killed Sawyer."

"Sawyer," she recalled. "The letter."

"It didn't make any sense," he shook his head. "That night…the night that we-you left my tent to sleep alone. I went into the jungle to pee. Locke came out of nowhere. He had me follow him to some huge ship in the middle of the jungle. And this man was there. I had no idea who he was, but Locke did. I guess he was Locke's dad. I wanted to kill him as soon as I figured out who he was, but when he started reading my letter…he started laughing at me. I just snapped."

As he spoke, tears began forming in his eyes. Kate moved her chair across the floor so she was closer to him. She put her hand on his shoulder, but stayed quiet. They sat there for a minute for a little bit, but then the smoke alarm started beeping. Kate quickly got up and saw that the chicken was smoking. She took the pan off the stove, and in the process, burned her hand.

"Dammit!" she exclaimed. Sawyer was fanning the smoke alarm to get it to stop beeping, but stopped when he heard her yell. He went to the sink and looked at her hand. It was already blistering.

"That looks bad," he said softly. "Do you have any burn cream?"

"I have to go to the hospital," she answered. He looked down and she was right, her hand looked painful. "I need to go get my jacket.

"I'll go get it," he told her. "Where is it?"

"Upstairs in my closet," she replied. "The black one please."

Sawyer knew she must be in pain if she was allowing him to help her. He went upstairs quickly, but hesitated slightly before going into Kate's room. Sawyer tried not to look around too much. Even though he had been staying with her for 3 months, he never stepped foot into her bedroom. There was a pair of her underwear on the floor. He went over to the closet and opened must have been 6 black jackets hanging next to each other. He chuckled and picked one. When he went downstairs Kate was trying miserably to get her shoes on. He quickly knelt down to help her.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"You can't even move your hand, let me help you," he told her. She sighed and let him put her shoes on. He helped her into the jacket and she rolled her eyes.

"This isn't the black jacket," she chuckled.

"You have 12 different ones!" he exclaimed. He knew that he was exaggerating, but he didn't care. She laughed again.

"Sawyer this is blue," she replied. "Look."

She held the sleeve up to the light next to her. It was dark navy, almost black. He shook his head and turned around to go back up the stairs.

"Be right back," he mumbled.

"James, my hand is about to fall off, I don't care about the damn color, let's just go," she said. He nodded and walked with her out of the house.

He was waiting for Kate in the waiting room. He knew she would be fine, but it didn't mean that he was any less worried. The nurse walked toward him and told him that he could go see her. Kate's hand was wrapped up with gauze. She was sitting on the edge of the bed fully clothed.

"They gave me vicodin," she smirked. "Shh, I just took another one."

"Kate," he sighed. "What are you trying to do? Turn into Jack? I mean I know you miss him and all-"

"No!" she exclaimed. "My hand hurts! I just want it to stop!"

"I don't think it's your hand that's hurting," he whispered. He pulled her into a hug, but she pushed him away.

"We can't-" she began. "Remember, you can't handle it."

He didn't want to get into an argument with her in the middle of the ER, so he just stayed quiet. She was holding on tightly to the prescription. Sawyer helped Kate with her coat, when the nurse came into the area.

"Are you going to take Katherine home?" she asked.

"Yeah," he nodded.

"She may be a little out of it, so I'll let you know too, just in case," the nurse continued sweetly. "We gave her a prescription for vicodin. We had it filled here already, but we did give her one refill just in case. There's also some burn cream in the bag. She can take one pill every four hours. Don't let her take any more than that."

"Um-" he began.

"Shut up," Kate warned him. He didn't hesitate before talking.

"She told me that she just took another one," Sawyer squealed.

"Shut up!" Kate repeated. "I was just kidding. I didn't-"

"Katherine," the nurse said softly. "Did you? It's not going to hurt you if you just take one more, but I need to know, and you need to be honest with your boyfriend if he's going to be taking care of you properly."

"He's not my boyfriend," Kate stated.

"But unfortunately, I am taking care of her," Sawyer smirked. "Come on. Let's get you home. I mean-is it ok?"

"Yeah," the nurse nodded. "She's been discharged."

"Discharged," Kate chuckled.

"And, there's that second pill kickin' in," he replied. "Let's go."

"Mr-" the nurse began.

"James," he answered. "My name's James."

"James," she started again. "Seriously, when you get her home, don't let her take anymore of those pills. I only prescribed her one at a time because it's so heavy duty. She doesn't really need to be taking more than that. In fact, given her height and weight, she may even be fine with half a pill...two won't hurt her, but any more than that..."

"I got it," he nodded. "Her-we used to know someone-we've-she's done the whole addicted-to-prescription-drugs-thing. I mean, not her personally-i'm just gonna get her home."

"Oh," the nurse said. "Ok, well, she probably shouldn't be alone tonight. I know she said you're not her boyfriend, but maybe-maybe you should stay with her tonight."

Sawyer helped Kate into the car. She was already loopy and already falling asleep. He watched her carefully as he drove, while still paying attention to the road.

"I'm hungry," she murmured, barely awake anymore. "I didn't finish making dinner."

"Darlin' you burned dinner," he answered with a smile. "Should I stop for some pizza?"

She didn't answer, but nodded ever so slightly. Sawyer drove to the pizza place near Kate's house, they were opened till 2am usually. He went inside and got some ready made pizzas. When he came back out to the car, Kate was fast asleep. After he drove the rest of the way to Kate's house, he carried her into the house. He put her on the couch, and would carry her upstairs later. She stirred and woke up.

"I'm hungry," she said again, almost like a child.

"Pizza?" he asked. There were two boxes of pizza sitting on the coffee table. She sat up and they started eating.

"I never forgot you," she whispered, as they both went back for a second piece. "I just wanted you to know. I never forgot you. I mean, how could I? With Clementine. I wanted to forget you. I wanted to be happy. Cassidy would remind me. She told me that if you ever came back-"

"Don't finish your sentence," he said. "Just don't. I don't think either of us are ready for what you might be about to say. Not only that...all hopped up on pain killers, not a good idea. Don't get me wrong Freckles, I feel the same damn way, but-"

"I loved Jack so much," she shook her head. "But-but I couldn't stop myself from-thinking about you...dreaming-"

She stopped talking and turned bright red. He raised his eyebrows, and smiled at her. His smile soon turned downward. He got up from the couch and paced in the living room. Kate watched him silently, scared he might leave the house again. He walked past the chest of drawers by her front door. There was a picture of Kate, Jack and Aaron. The perfect little family. He sighed softly, but then noticed that there was another picture. It was a picture of himself.

"Where did you get this?" he asked. He picked the picture up and handed it to Kate. Kate flipped the frame over and took the picture out of it. Sawyer noticed a distinct line where someone else had been cut out of it. Then it came back to him. He realized where the picture came from. It had been a picture of him and Cassidy.

"I didn't cut her out of it if that's what you're wondering," she said. "She gave it to me. She had cut you out of it, but kept-for some reason kept it for Clementine. But she gave it to me-once when I went to see her...Jack and I were fighting, she-she told me that I took Aaron because you broke my heart."

"You didn't _take_ Aaron," he told her. "You protected him."

"But I needed something," she shrugged. "Anyway, she told me that she could see how much I wanted to see you again, so she gave me your picture."

"So you wouldn't forget what I looked like," he smirked.

"How could-" she began. "I wouldn't have ever forgotten what you looked like."

"I-I loved you," he whispered. "I never thought I'd stop thinking about you. I never really did. I told myself you were gone. I told myself I'd never see you again. I had to move on with my life. I mean, who can spend 3 years pining over someone? We searched for you. Every single day. Since I was head of security, I would do perimeter scans, but I'd go-I'd go back to the beach. At first it was nearly every day. I'd walk back to the beach and just sit there. Then it was every week. By the end of the 3 years…it was every few months. But I always went back. I wanted to forget what you looked like. I almost did. But then every time-there was this little girl...on the island in the 70's. She had this long red hair and freckles all over her face. You could have been her mother."

"What are we supposed to do?" she asked. "I mean…obviously…obviously we still have feelings for each other. 3 years, and we still have feelings…but then-what about-"

"Them," he nodded. "I know. That's why I had to leave Freckles. But…here. I'll give you my new temporary address."

He got up and went into the kitchen's junk drawer. He wrote down the name of the motel and the room number. She folded it in half and set it down on the kitchen table.

"Are you gonna leave?" she asked.

"Wish I could," he said. "But I can't. Nurse says I should stay with you."

"Hmm," she nodded. "I'm tired. I'm gonna go upstairs."

He followed her up the stairs behind her. She was wobbly, and seemed half drunk. Sawyer realized that it was probably still from the pain killers. He started following her into the bedroom, but then stopped.

"I don't really know the protocol on this," he murmured. "That nurse lady told me I should stay with you, but I don't know what that means. I don't know if it means."

"I think I can manage," she replied. She started pulling her shirt off before the door was fully closed. Sawyer turned around and started toward the guest room. He turned back around and went down the stairs. The dishes from the pizza were still sitting on the coffee table. He started cleaning up and went into the kitchen. He wanted to leave. Mostly he wanted to leave because he wanted to go to Kate's room.

"Sawyer?!" she exclaimed from up the stairs, then he heard her coming down the stairs, but she must have slipped because something didn't sound right as she came down the stairs. He went toward her and she was laying on the landing of the stairs chuckling.

"Well at least you're laughing," he chuckled. She started getting up and Sawyer started helping her "Are you ok?"

"Fine," she mumbled. "Just a klutz. I wondered where you were."

"I just came down here to clear the dishes," he answered. "Didya think I left?"

"Kinda," she answered.

"I told you," he shook his head. "That nurse chick told me I should stay. I mean, I guess I don't HAVE to stay, but I'll feel pretty damn guilty if something happens to you."

"Can I ask you a favor?" she started. Before waiting for an answer, she continued. "Will you sleep-will you-can you come with me?"

"Is this Kate, or the vicodin talking?" he whispered.

"I don't want to be alone...please?" she asked. He followed her back up the stairs. She lead him into her room and got into bed. Sawyer watched her, but stayed quiet. She patted her hand on the bed next to her.

"Kate," he whispered. "I'll stay here, I mean-in the house. I won't leave and if you need me, I'm just down the hall. I'm not going to stay here with you. It's too-"

"Weird?" she asked. "I don't really care. My hand hurts. Please just-"

"It's not really what you want," he shook his head. She got up and moved the comforter. He watched her again, slightly amused. She rolled the comforter up toward the middle of the bed.

"Voila," she said, looking at her bed proudly.

"Voila? Voila what?" he asked.

"It means, like, there ya go," she shrugged.

"What am I looking at though?" he responded.

"You can stay in my bed with me," she answered. "Look. I'll sleep on this side of the blanket, and you can sleep there. We won't even touch. Just-what if I have some sort of reaction to the vicodin in the middle of the night and I can't call for you. You said you'd be here-"

"Fine," he interrupted. "Jeez. Fine. Just fine. Get in to bed and go to sleep."

"Thank you," she smiled happily and got into the bed. He chuckled and got into his half of the bed. Kate rolled over to look at him.

"Don't Kate," he shook his head.

"I was just going to say that I missed having-having someone here," she told him. She rolled back over, to put her back to him. He almost reached over to touch her back, but pulled back and rolled over so his back was to hers. She was snoring softly already. He sighed softly and moved closer to the edge of the bed.

"Goodnight Freckles," he mumbled.


	3. Chapter 3

Sawyer groaned softly and rolled over. He felt her move closer to him. He wrapped his arms around her, running his hands down her back. She sighed contentedly and settled into his arms. They laid there for a little bit. In each other's arms. Sawyer was playing with her hair.

"Good morning," she whispered. He smirked, but didn't open his eyes.

"Mornin'," he replied gruffly. He kissed the top of her head, but then suddenly got out of the bed. Kate sat up and looked at him.

"What's wrong?" she asked. "James-"

"Nothin'," he lied. "I'm gonna get going."

"Sawyer," she began. "Please-just-"

"I'll-I'll see you soon," he said.

He left her room and shut the door behind him. She thought about going after him, but instead, walked into her bathroom. Her pills were sitting on the bathroom counter. She picked it up and took one. Then she looked at her bandaged hand. She carefully got into the shower, keeping her hand from going under the water and getting wet. She didn't feel like wearing normal clothes, so she got back into her pajamas. Her hand was still throbbing so she picked up the bottle of vicodin. She looked at the bottle and read the directions. _Katherine Austen. 1 tablet every 4-6 hours. To be taken with water. _She opened the bottle to take another pill, but then sighed deeply and put the lid back on.

She went down the stairs and heard someone in the kitchen. Not someone…she chuckled to herself. Sawyer was standing at the stove cooking. He expertly cracked eggs. He was making French toast. Kate could smell the cinnamon filling the kitchen. She walked over to the sink with the bottle of pills still in her hand. Sawyer stopped what he was doing to watch her. When she tilted the bottle far enough, Sawyer caught it before they could hit the sink.

"What are you doin?" he asked.

"I don't want to be like Jack," she whispered.

"You're not like him," he shook his head. "These are for your hand. You're not Jack. I'm sorry about what I said last night."

"It's ok," she shrugged. "You're right. I mean…I could-I could become an addict-

"Kate, you took one extra pill, and-" he began. She looked at him and wrapped her arms around him. He hugged her back tightly. She started sobbing onto his shoulder. He closed his eyes and ran his hands down her back. His fingers were twirling the bottom of her hair. It was still wet from her shower. She sniffled and wiped her cheeks.

"You thought I was her," Kate said softly. "This morning…that's why you were going to leave…I mean right? You thought I was her?"

"No," he shook his head. "I knew who you were. I knew what I was doing."

He turned back to his French toast and started serving it on to plates. She looked at him and stepped toward him

"We're not doing anything wrong," she told him. "They're gone-"

"Don't," he interrupted. "Just stop. After I'm done eating, I'm leaving. I really am. I can't do-"

"You keep saying that James," she said, tears still in her eyes, and new ones beginning to form. "You keep telling me that this is too hard, but you keep coming back. Every part of this-it hurts so much. It just hurts. I don't-I want to-this morning I woke up first. I looked at you, and you looked so content. You weren't snoring or even breathing loudly. You were just there, and all I wanted to do was lean forward and kiss you, but I couldn't. And then you started stirring, and when you put your arms around me-"

He stepped forward and put his hand on the side of her neck. She closed her eyes, and opened her mouth to start talking again, but instead, he leaned forward and kissed her lips. She kissed him back and he pulled her closer. She backed away slowly and looked at him.

"Is three months long enough," she whispered.

"I don't know, but I just wanted you to stop talking," he replied. He picked up the plates and set them down on the table. He sat down backwards on the chair and Kate went to the fridge to get the juice. When she opened the door she hid her face to touch her lips and wipe her tears which just kept forming.

"When is Cassidy coming?" she asked, clearing her throat and sitting down. He didn't answer her at first. Just ate silently while she poured the glasses of juice. She looked at him and he finally spoke.

"Cassidy's coming next week," he said. "I don't even know-I don't know what I'm doing. I mean…I want to see her, but I'm kind of scared."

"She's gonna love you James," Kate told him.

"I'm sorry I kissed you," he shook his head.

"I'm not," she smiled weakly. "Everything is so screwed up."

"After I leave," he began. "Kate, I can't come back. I just-I can't."

He picked up the piece of paper that was sitting on the kitchen table. It was the same paper he had written his new address on the night before. He wrote down his phone number and put it in Kate's hand.

"So you can't come back here, but it's ok if I come see you?" she whispered. Chills went down her spine. She closed her eyes and blinked more tears away. "Guh, I don't know what's wrong with me."

She stood up and took the two plates from the table. He watched her as she started washing the dishes by hand. He walked over to the sink and looked at her.

"What?" she asked.

"I wasn't done," he told her. She set the plate down and couldn't help but laugh. He laughed softly too and shook his head. "But I guess I'm done now. Thank you."

"Thank you?" she smirked. "You're the one who made me breakfast."

"With ingredients from your kitchen," he reminded her. "But that wasn't what I was thankin' you for anyway. Just- thank you for everything. Letting me stay here with you, being here-I'm rambling. I'm gonna-I'm gonna go. Again."

She laughed again and walked with him to the door. He didn't hug her. He touched her shoulder softly, but then left quickly and practically ran down the front steps. Kate wanted to go after him, but she knew he would just tell her to let him go. She had a hard time with that sometimes. Just like Jack.

* * *

That night she was laying in bed by herself. She already missed the warmth of Sawyer's body. The night before was the first time in a long time that someone had slept in her bed with her. She couldn't get to sleep. There was too much running through her mind. She got up and took another pain pill. It didn't take long for the pill to make her sleepy. After she fell asleep, she dreamed...

_She was walking up the steps to the church. Claire was there with Aaron. She was crying. Miles couldn't look at her. Kate was wearing black._

_"We're here to celebrate the life of James Ford," the minister began. _

Kate sat bolt upright in bed. She looked at the clock. It was 11:00. Would he still be awake? She thought of everything she had already lost in the last 3 months. They lost Sayid, Sun, and Jin. Even though she didn't know her all that well, she felt sad about Juliet. She lost Jack, and Aaron. She hardly saw Claire either. She couldn't lose Sawyer too. She started down the stairs, wearing her pajamas. Grabbing her car keys, she quickly left the house. She was half way down the front walk, when she turned back around. She went back into the house and went back upstairs. She took another vicodin and got back into bed. Her phone was still on her bedside table. she picked it up and dialed the number that Sawyer had left her.

"Freckles?" he answered on the first ring. "You ok?"

She didn't speak at first. She heard his voice and got choked up.

"Yeah," she whispered, her voice betraying her. "Yeah. I'm fine James. I'm sorry. I just-I had this stupid dream-"

"Hmm," he murmured into the phone. "That sounds-"

"I was at your funeral," she interrupted. "I was gonna come see you, but then I realized I was being ridiculous, so I came back inside to call you."

"I'm fine Freckles," he assured it. "I ain't goin' anywhere."

"You did though," she responded. "Never mind."

"I'm just 20 minutes away," he told her. "I'm-"

"Goodnight," she said. "I'm sorry. Goodnight."

She quickly hung up the phone before he could say anything else. Tears were still in her eyes, so she got up and went into the bathroom. The cold water she began splashing on her face felt good. The bottle of vicodin was still on her bathroom sink. She took a pill and swallowed it dry. When she got back into bed, she started crying again. She didn't want to be like Jack. She quickly got back out of bed, and forced herself to throw up.

* * *

The next day she didn't want to call Sawyer. She wanted to see him, but she wouldn't embarrass herself again. When she went downstairs, she almost threw the pills away again, but instead chose not to. She took 4 more pills and waited. Maybe Sawyer would call her. Maybe he would change his mind again and come over again. One could only hope. When the phone finally did ring, she answered it quickly.

"Hello?" she asked.

"Hey," his voice said softly. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine," she chuckled. "I'm so sorry Sawyer. I was just-last night, that stupid dream. It just freaked me out."

"Cassidy called this morning," he told her. "Do you want to come with us to Disneyland?"

"What?" she laughed. "No. You're meeting your daughter. I'd just be in the way."

"No," he argued. "Please. I want you to come. I mean, as a buffer. She knows you. It was actually Cassidy's idea. And besides, you've never been, right? I mean, Cassidy said that you had made plans to take Aaron, but never got a chance to. Just-think about it."

"Ok," she answered. "Sure. I'll come. Sounds like fun. But for now I'll leave you alone. Just let me know the final plans."

"You don't have to leave me alone Freckles," he told her.

**4 Days Later**

Kate finished the bottle of pills. She knew it was bad, but she didn't care. She went to get the refill, and got into an argument with the pharmacist. They told her that she finished the first bottle too quickly, and they couldn't refill it yet. Since Kate was so good at lying her way out of anything, she convinced them to give her more pills after, stating that the other ones got mixed up with her mother's pills who was staying with her. She went back to her house. The prospect of turning into Jack scared her, but Kate didn't want to stop taking the pills. It was taking all the pain away. After Sawyer called to ask if she was ok, he didn't call back. She missed him. She had seen him pretty much every day they had been back till now. She didn't make it upstairs, and was just laying on the couch, clutching her new bottle.

The phone rang. She looked at the caller ID. It was Sawyer. She laughed softly and picked it up.

"Hey stranger," she said.

"Hi," he whispered. "I'm sorry that I haven't-how are you?"

"I'm fine," she answered. She sounded out of it. Sawyer was almost worried. It was 3:00 in the afternoon. Was she drunk?

"Kate," he began. "Are you-are you drinking?"

"No!" she scoffed. "Of course not."

"Ok," he stated. "I'm sorry. I just-I wanted to talk to you. I just wanted to make sure you were ok."

"Can you come over?" she asked weakly.

"What's wrong?" he whispered.

"I just-I need you to come over," she said "I want you to come-please."

"Ok," he replied. "I'm coming."

It didn't take long for Sawyer to arrive. Kate had been sitting on the couch, not moving. She kept telling herself that she should get up and clean the house. The doorbell rang, but she still didn't get up.

"Kate?" his voice asked from the other side of the door. She wanted to get up, but she didn't want him to see her like this. She heard the door opening. She forgot that he knew where the hidden key was. He saw her laying on the couch and rushed toward her. He put his hand on her face. She sat up and pulled him into a soft kiss. He backed away quickly and shook his head.

"What are you doin'?" he asked. She didn't respond. She stood up and wrapped her arms around him. She kissed him again, and held him closely. He was stronger and pulled her arms from around his neck.

"Why don't you want me?" she asked.

"For one thing, you're wasted," he scoffed. "Kate, what the hell is going on? It looks like a tornado went through here."

"No house guests," she shrugged. "I don't have to keep my house looking nice. I'm the only one who has to look at it."

"Kate-" he began again.

"Would you stop calling me Kate?" she interrupted. "I always feel like you're mad at me when you call me Kate. Hey...isn't it tomorrow that we're going to Disneyland with Clementine?"

"You're not going anywhere," he shook his head. "Give me this damn bottle."

He pulled the bottle of pills that she was still holding out of her hand. He looked at them and shook his head.

"This is a brand new bottle isn't it?" he asked softly. She didn't say anything. Sawyer didn't speak either. He sighed softly and set the bottle down on the table. He wrapped his arms around her. He could feel her crying against his chest. Carefully he picked her up and carried her up the stairs. Kate let him. She pressed her face against his chest. Sawyer put Kate in her bed and covered her.

He went back down the stairs and started picking up Kate's house. He didn't know where half the stuff went, but he also knew that Kate didn't really want to live that way. He picked up the bottle of pain pills and took it into the kitchen. He poured the bottle down the sink. Kate would probably be pissed, but he didn't care. He would even reimburse her for the price if she was worried about that. Since he wasn't a doctor he had no idea how long a burn like that would take to heal, but if she was in pain, she could take regular pain medication instead of the prescription. Sawyer stayed for most of the day. Every hour he would go upstairs to check on Kate, and make sure she was ok. She slept all day. When he was making dinner he felt Kate come up behind him.

"Where are they?" she asked.

"Down the sink," he replied.

"What?!" she exclaimed. She walked toward the sink and looked into it.

"Ka-Freckles, stop," he said. He took her hand. "It's going to be ok?"

"My hand hurts," she told him. He looked down at her hand. It wasn't even wrapped up. It was still red, but he could tell that it was already healing from the cream she was using. "You can't just throw away my medication. It's mine-"

"Shh," he whispered softly. He stepped toward her. "Freckles. Stop it. It's going to be fine. We're going to figure this out. I ain't goin' nowhere."

"You're going to leave again," she told him. "You can't stay forever...remember?"

"Ok, maybe not forever," he murmured.

"I want to go to Disneyland," she said.

"We can go when you feel better," he shrugged. "We can take Aaron. Maybe Clementine too if she wants."

"You have to go tomorrow with her," she replied.

"No," he shook his head. "I need to stay here with you."

"You can stay here tonight," she said. "But tomorrow, you have to meet your daughter. I won't let you miss that."

He smiled and nodded. He wanted to meet Clementine, but he was still nervous about it. He knew that Kate wouldn't be able to come with him. Kate knew she couldn't rely on the pain pills. It's what got Jack into so much trouble. She pushed the thought that she wanted them out of her head. They ate dinner together and washed the dishes together. Kate liked the routines they always had. Like they really were a happy couple, but she stopped herself from saying anything. That night Kate went into the guest room to bring Sawyer extra blankets and a towel for his morning shower.

They were each in separate rooms. Kate was thinking about him. She wanted so badly to just go in there and sleep in his arms. She knew that he wouldn't go for it. She got out of bed a couple times to go into the hall. Finally she sighed and went. When she got into the hall Sawyer was already there waiting at her door. He was hesitating too. They stood there staring at each other, neither of them moving first. She stepped forward and kissed him roughly. He spun her around and pushed her up against the wall. She gasped softly. They blindly made their way into the guest room, instead of Kate's. They landed on the bed and Kate moved to pull Sawyer's boxers off.

* * *

Kate was out of breath. She looked over at Sawyer, who looked contentedly at her. They both smiled. Kate moved closer to him. He put an arm around her loosely. They didn't lay there for very long, when Kate got up. He watched her as she gathered her clothes. He furrowed his eyebrows and sat up fully.

"What are you doin'?" he asked.

"I'm gonna go back to my room," she whispered.

"Kate," he began.

"I-i just can't," she shook her head. "I'm sorry."

He was left stunned as Kate left the bedroom. He heard her door close and started to get dressed himself. He decided not to stay. What was the point? He thought maybe they would wake up in the morning and make breakfast together before he met Cassidy and Clementine. Instead, he would leave. If Kate could run, so could he.

When Kate went into her bedroom she climbed into the bed and started crying. She wasn't sure what just happened. She wanted Sawyer. But did she want it this way? She still felt a little buzzed from the vicodin she had taken that morning. Was it from the drugs or from her actual feelings for him. The front door slammed loudly enough for her to hear it.

* * *

Cassidy was supposed to come to his motel. She would be there around 10:00. It was only 9:00. The closer it got to 10:00, the slower time seemed to go. Should he call Kate? Make sure she was ok? But she was the one who left the bedroom last night. It was her fault. But he couldn't help but feel like it did 3 years ago. He wanted her. He loved her. His phone chimed. When he picked it up, he had a text from Cassidy. He didn't want to look at it. She was cancelling. He just had this feeling. When he opened the message it read; _James, do you still want me to come with Clementine. We're on our way. _He chuckled and started dialing.

"Cassidy," he said, when she answered the phone.

"Yeah," she answered.

"Are you texting and driving?" he asked.

"No, we stopped for a potty break," she told him. He heard a voice in the background. His chest got tight. He hadn't heard her voice before. _Mommy, are we almost there?! "_Do you want to talk to her?"

"Uh," he started, but before he could fully answer, he heard the voice more clearly.

"Hello?" she said. "Hello? Mommy, are you playin' a trick, no one's talking."

"Clementine," he said quickly. "Hi."

"Hi," she giggled. "Are you mommy's friend?"

"Yeah," he stated. "Is it ok if I come to Disneyworld with you?"

"_Disneyland_!" she emphasized.

"Oh," he murmured. "Ok."

Kate woke up in the morning. She had to apologize to Sawyer. Her behavior was appalling. She went into the hallway, but forgot that Sawyer had left the previous night. Not that she could blame him. She dialed his number. It rang a few times before going to voicemail. He hadn't set it up yet, so it was an automated voice telling her to leave a message.

"James," she sighed. "I'm-I'm so sorry about last night. I want to see you-I know you're meeting Clementine today. Just let me know if I can stop by later. I need to-"

She hung up mid message and sighed loudly. She couldn't go back now and erase it. He would hear it. If he even knew how to retrieve his messages. She laughed at the thought. Sawyer never really seemed tech savvy. He was more of a book nerd than computer nerd.

* * *

There was a knock on Sawyer's hotel room door. He took a deep breath and looked through the peephole. Cassidy was carrying a little blonde girl. She looked good. He opened the door. Cassidy didn't say anything. Clementine looked at him and sized him up.

"Hi," Clementine said "I'm Clementine."

She wasn't shy at all. Cassidy set her down and Clementine went directly into the room without being fully invited.

"Clementine!" Cassidy exclaimed.

"What?" she asked. Sawyer shrugged it off, neither of them had said anything yet.

"Mommy, when are we going to Disneyland?!" Clementine exclaimed.

"First I want you to meet my friend," Cassidy said. Sawyer knelt down and Clementine walked forward.

"I said hi already," she told him.

"Yep," he nodded. "Clementine, I'm Sawy-James. My name is James."

"Hi James," she said softly. "Can we go to Disneyland yet?"

"Yeah," he chuckled. "Let's go Cass. We have all day."

By the end of the day Clementine wouldn't leave Sawyer alone. In the beginning it was awkward, but it ended up ok. He didn't mind. Neither Cassidy or Sawyer had been able to actually say the words to Clementine, that he was her dad. Cassidy promised Sawyer she would tell her when they got home. When Sawyer drove back to the hotel, Clementine asked if she could go inside to go to the bathroom. Cassidy waited outside and Sawyer went inside with her. Clementine came out of the bathroom and noticed something on the dresser. She picked it up.

"Hey!" she exclaimed. "James. Come here!"

Sawyer walked toward her quickly.

"What? What's wrong?" he asked.

"This baby," she said. She handed him a picture. "This baby looks like me."

"Clementine," he whispered. "That baby is you."

"Why?" she asked.

"Because your mom gave it to me," he replied softly.

"James," Clementine began. "Ar-my mommy showed me a picture of you once. I tried finding it again one time, but she said she gave it to Aunt Kate. Are you my dad?"

"I think you should ask your mom," he whispered.

"You are my dad," she said. "Lies aren't nice James."

"Yeah," he nodded. "I'm your dad."

Clementine quickly left the hotel and ran to Cassidy's car. Sawyer sighed deeply, and followed her. She was already getting into the backseat of Cassidy's car when Sawyer got out there.

"What happened?" Cassidy asked.

"She found the picture you gave to me," he whispered. "When she was a baby. I think she's mad at me."

"She'll be fine," Cassidy assured him. "I'll talk to her."

"Hey Cass," he began. "Thanks. Why are you being-why are you being so nice?"

"Because Clementine wants a dad," she shrugged. "And-Kate made me-when I saw how much she loved you...how much she missed you...I thought 'hey, maybe he really did change'. I'm not saying that this isn't-I want you to be able to see her. But know this...a father isn't a daddy. Clementine doesn't have a daddy."

"OK," he said. "We'll do this your way. She's-she's amazing Cass."

"I know," she answered. She wiped her cheek as she got into the car. They drove away and Sawyer watched Cassidy's tail lights. He chuckled softly and went back into the hotel. He noticed that he had a missed call. When he got his phone they taught him how to use it and how to get his messages. He listened to Kate's voice. He wanted to call her. It was still early. They could go out to dinner and talk, but after everything that had happened that day, he didn't know if he had the strength to have a fight with Kate.

Kate thought about everything that had happened in the past 3 months. Was 3 months long enough? She thought about the time on the island, the first time. She managed to fall in love with not one but two different people in the time span of 3 months. She was only with Jack for 3 months when he proposed. But she was away from Sawyer for 3 years. He told her that he thought he was over her. He told her that he loved her. But it was loved…past tense. Did he still love her? Was he still not over her? These were all stupid questions, which she already knew the answer to. Why else was he staying away from her? He told her it was too hard. So of course he was still in love with her. He just didn't want to be because of Juliet. Kate felt the exact same way. She loved Sawyer once. She still did, but she couldn't be with him right now. Could she? She didn't want to think about it, but she kept thinking about the night before. Had that really happened? She slept with him, and then made him feel worthless. It's what she did to him on the island too. Why did she keep doing that? Kate looked at the clock. It was only 8:00. Sawyer hadn't called her. She wondered how his day with Cassidy and Clementine was. Maybe they were staying with him. It was after all quite a far drive. His address and phone number was tacked up on the wall by the phone charger. She stood up and looked at it. He was staying at the hotel at the airport.

She left the house and drove quickly. She didn't follow the traffic rules, but she didn't care. When she pulled up to the motel, the only car in the motel parking lot was Sawyer's truck. She smiled and was glad to know that at least he was there. She knocked on his door and continued knocking until he came.

He opened the door. He was wearing clothes, but his shirt was unbuttoned, revealing his abs. She looked at him and took a deep breath.

"Freckles what are you doin-" he began. She shook her head and stepped toward him. Without further hesitation, she kissed him. She used such force that she knocked him down to the ground. He put his arms around her, but didn't kiss her back as forcefully. She stopped kissing him, but stayed on top of him. He reached up and put his hand on her cheek.

"I couldn't lose you," she whispered. "I can't lose you. I can't lose you."

"Shh, Freckles," he started.

"I don't want to be alone. I-I know I never said it before. Before I was a coward," she told him.

"What are you talkin' about?" he asked.

"I love you," she said simply. He leaned up and kissed her without responding verbally. She took her shirt off, with one fluid motion and went back down on top of him. They were both breathing heavily and kissing fervently. Sawyer was running his hands over her body. She looked down at him and chuckled. She reached between them and unzipped his pants quickly. He fumbled with hers, as she kissed his chest. She didn't take his shirt off, all the way, just pushed it away to reveal more of his chest and body. They didn't even make it to the bed.

* * *

They were lying on the floor next to each other. He stood up, and held his hands out for her to take. Both of them were still mostly clothed, other than Kate's shirt, which was on the floor. He pulled her toward him again. He kissed her, this time much more slowly and carefully. She backed away and looked at him.

"I gotta pee," she told him.

"How romantic," he smirked.

"Wait for me in the bed," she half demanded.

"Yes ma'am," he replied with a deep accent.

She went into the bathroom and closed the door. She looked in the mirror. She had no regrets, but she didn't know about him. She finally found the courage to tell him she loved him, but he didn't say it back. I guess it was a little bit of karma, but she hoped that he would say it to her. She hoped he wouldn't regret it. She went to the bathroom, and then looked back into the mirror. Taking a deep breath, she left the bathroom and walked over to the bed.

Sawyer was lying in bed with his eyes closed. She took her pants off, but left her bra and underwear. She got into bed next to him. He kept his eyes closed and was breathing rhythmically. She couldn't tell whether or not he was faking it. Slowly, she moved toward him and put her hand on his chest. He flinched slightly, but kept his eyes closed. She moved closer and wrapped her arms around him. When she closed her eyes, she felt tired enough to go to sleep. He seemed to stay asleep as he put his arms around her, but then when she opened her eyes and looked at him, he was smirking. She leaned over and kissed his chin. He kissed her back, being just as slow and careful as before she went to the bathroom. She reached her arms behind her to take her bra off, but he stopped her. They just kept kissing. Each time Kate would move to take her bra off, or Sawyer's pants, he would stop her.

"You can't be comfortable in those jeans," she said, slightly seductively. He smiled again.

"Patience," he replied. He kissed her again. Kate kept thinking he was going to roll over on top of her. She wanted him to, but instead he kept them on their sides; equal. She backed away and looked at him. She touched his cheek, and then his forehead.

"You taste like strawberries," he whispered.

"Strawberry chapstick," she chuckled. He kissed her again, and then finally reached behind her. He used one hand to unhook her bra, and the other to run his hands down her chest. She watched him. They kissed again. Kate reached between them to unzip his pants again, but did it slowly. This time he let her.

* * *

They were under the covers, holding each other. Neither of them went to get their clothes. They couldn't keep themselves from touching each other. She put her face against his chest and smiled.

"Freckles?" he asked barely above a whisper.

"Yeah?" she waited for him to continue and looked at him.

"I love you too," he said.


	4. Chapter 4

He woke up, remembering the night before. Remembering every touch and kiss. She was curled up near the edge of the bed. They weren't touching. He looked at her and all those old feelings of love and adoration came rushing back. It was as if no time passed and Juliet never even existed. He got out of the bed quickly and went into the bathroom.

"I loved you," he whispered. "I never thought I would love anyone as much as I loved Kate, but I loved you so much. I wanted to save you so badly, but I couldn't. I just couldn't pull you back up."

Sawyer never believed in ghosts. He never believed in praying. Since he was 8 years old and at the church for his parents' funeral, he didn't go to church. What was the point? But he needed to ask her permission. Was he allowed to love Kate? He didn't want to love her so much. He felt tears pricking his eyes. He closed his eyes tightly and sighed deeply. His tears stopped and he looked up at the ceiling.

"I loved you," he said again. "I loved you, but I never stopped loving her. You knew that didn't you? Should I wait longer? What should I do?"

"Anything you want," Kate whispered softly in the doorway. He stood up quickly. She looked at him, but didn't move.

"Hey," he smirked.

"Hi," she whispered. They both stepped forward but didn't touch. He went toward her and moved to touch her shoulders. He hesitated several times before finally putting his hands on her shoulders and running his hands down her arms.

"How'd you sleep?" he asked.

"Better than I have in months," she answered with another chuckle. "I meant it, you know?"

"You meant what?" he whispered.

"I love you," she replied. "Wh-when we were on the island. I mean, when Jack and I came back. When I saw you again…the only thing I could think of was being in your arms again. If Jack and Hurley hadn't been there-"

"If Juliet-" he began, but then stopped. "I never stopped loving you. And that makes me an awful person because Juliet-I loved her so much, I never would have hurt her. But you're right. She's gone."

"So-" she whispered. "Are we right back where we started? Loving each other from afar, and never doing anything about it because-"

"I think she knew," he said quickly. "I think she knew how much I loved you. How much I wanted you. So-no. I can't. I can't wait for 3 more years. I can't just get over her and never think about her again, but I can't stay away from you either."

"I i'm s-so-" she stuttered. "I'm so glad you said that."

She wrapped her arms around him. He kissed her and forced her from the doorway. She walked backwards into the bedroom. He pushed her against the bed and they continued to kiss. Kate felt like for the first time in 3 months she could breathe. He didn't stop kissing her lips, as he moved to take her underwear back off. His phone chimed and he stopped. They both took deep breaths. Kate reached over to pick the phone up since she was closer. When she handed it to him, he set it down and shook his head.

"Whatever it is, it can wait," he told her. She chuckled and they went back to kissing. It wasn't a fake, blackmailed kiss like their first one. It wasn't rushed or erratic. Just soft and slow. Kate liked it that way. His mouth and tongue tasted like toothpaste. She was sure her mouth didn't taste very good since Sawyer didn't give her a chance to brush her teeth. She hadn't even bothered to bring her toothbrush anyway. Suddenly there was a knock on the door, startling both of them. Sawyer stood up, but Kate stayed on the bed. He went to the door and opened it just a crack.

"James," Cassidy said.

"Hi," he replied, furrowing his eyebrows. "What are you doin' here? I thought you went back to New Mexico."

"It was too long for us to drive last night. I was too tired," she stated. "I went to a hotel a few miles away from yours. I talked to Clementine, she wanted to come back to say goodbye to her dad. Is that Kate's car out there?"

Kate got up quickly and pulled her pants on, hoping that Cassidy wouldn't notice. She wasn't sure what Sawyer would answer either, but no sooner did she wonder, than he started talking.

"Yeah," he nodded. "She-she's here."

"I want-I want you to know," she began. "You better not hurt her, or else."

Kate walked toward the door, since she was re-dressed. She laughed softly at Cassidy's comment. Cassidy looked at Kate and smiled weakly. Sawyer didn't say anything, he just took a step back and looked at both women.

"Aunt Kate!" Clementine came running from the car and ran toward Kate. Kate hugged her and smiled. Sawyer smiled at them. Kate stood back up and looked at Cassidy.

"Clementine, will you stay with James, while I talk to Kate?" Cassidy asked.

"Yeah," Clementine nodded. She went into the hotel room and Kate walked out. Sawyer let the door shut behind them. He looked at Clementine and sighed, but smiled.

"Hey," he murmured.

"Where were you?" she asked.

"Huh?" he answered.

"Where were you?" she asked again. "You're my daddy right? So then where have you been? Kate said-mommy said you were away, but that you wanted to come back to see me, but you couldn't, so where were you?"

"I don't want to lie to you," he sighed.

"Don't lie," she whispered.

"Did Kate ever tell you stories about an island?" he asked.

"How did you know?!" she gasped loudly.

"Because I was there too," he answered with a smile. "Me and Kate are really good friends."

"Do you love her?" she asked, raising her eyebrows.

* * *

Cassidy looked at Kate, who was smiling almost like a giddy school girl.

"So you and Sawyer, huh?" Cassidy chuckled.

"I couldn't help it," she shrugged. "I've been thinking about him for the past 3 months, and I didn't-I just didn't want to keep thinking about him, when-when he's here. He's tangible."

"Kate," Cassidy shook her head. "You've been thinking about him for 3 months? You haven't been thinking about him for 3 months."

"What do you mean," Kate answered.

"Try 3 years," she responded. "Do you remember the first time you came to visit? Aaron was just a baby. Like 8 months old. Clementine was almost 2. Do you remember?"

"Yeah," Kate nodded.

"The look on your face," she sighed. "When you were talking about him. Kate, I saw then how much you loved him. I couldn't understand it at all because he hurt me so badly, but-but Kate, you loved him. You wanted him for 3 years. Why else would you have kept Aaron? And why would you have kept coming back to see me and Clem? I'm not saying that what you had with Jack wasn't real. I know that it was, but it still doesn't mean you didn't miss him."

"I know," she whispered. "You're right. I missed him. I loved him. I love him. But-Cassidy, I don't know what to do. I want to be with him so much, but-my stupid-my stupid feelings for Jack-"

"Jack's gone," Cassidy reminded her. "Or-I mean, right? He didn't come back with you did he?"

"No," she answered. "Pretty sure he's dead. I don't know how much you got to actually talk to Sawyer on your Disney trip, but he fell in love with someone else too. He fell in love when I was away for 3 years. She meant so much to him. I don't know if I can ever compete with that. But then...she's dead too, so I don't know."

"What was her name?" Cassidy asked.

"Juliet, why?" she furrowed her eyebrows.

"I'm really good at reading people," she responded. "Follow me."

"What are you doing?" Kate asked. Cassidy stayed quiet, but went toward the hotel room door. She knocked softly, waiting for Sawyer to let her back in. Kate and Cassidy went inside. Cassidy looked at him and studied his face. He watched her. Clementine was sitting on the floor.

"Mommy, can we go soon?" Clementine asked.

"I thought you wanted to say goodbye to James," Cassidy said.

"James," Clementine began. "You're really nice. I'm-I'm sad that you're my dad."

"Clementine!" Cassidy exclaimed. "That's not nice."

"He was away from me," she frowned. "I don't like that."

"I don't like it either Clementine," he shook his head. "I'm sorry. Maybe your mom will let me come visit you sometime."

Clementine looked up at Cassidy hopefully. Cassidy smiled and nodded.

"Maybe in a few months," she said. "Christmas break maybe. But you, young lady are about to start kindergarten so, not till we get a routine ok?"

"Yay!" Clementine exclaimed. She hesitated, but then wrapped her arms around his legs. He awkwardly patted her head and smiled weakly at Kate. Kate smiled warmly.

"Sawyer," Cassidy said stepping toward him. "I know how much you love Kate."

He smiled again, this time wider. He looked down at the ground before looking at Kate. She stopped smiling, and waited for him to speak. Sawyer looked toward Cassidy and waited for her to continue, but she didn't. Maybe she was waiting for confirmation.

"Yeah," he murmured. "I'm-I'm sorry."

"I'm not James," she shook her head. "If you could learn to love-maybe everything you did to us was worth it. I also know that you miss Juliet."

He frowned and looked at Kate.

"You told her?" he asked.

"I'm sorry," Kate whispered.

"Don't James," Cassidy said. "Don't push her away because you're afraid to love her. And Kate…you don't have anything to worry about. Look at him. He loves you. He loves you more than he loves conning people out of their money. He may be a good liar but-he's not lying about that. Don't mess this up James.

Kate turned toward him and smiled weakly.

"Bye James," Clementine said. Cassidy stepped toward him. She took his hands and kissed his cheek gently.

"Bye," she whispered. "You were never mine to lose James. Like I said…don't mess this up."

"I promise to try not to," he answered.

Cassidy and Clementine left. Clementine turned around to wave. Sawyer waved back. Kate turned toward Sawyer and wrapped her arms around his neck. He didn't move and neither did she. He touched her cheek. He stepped forward and kissed her. He backed away.

"Do you still have room for me at your house?" he whispered.

"What?" she asked.

"I don't want to stay at this dingy hotel," he murmured. "And I'm sick of being alone-"

"Stop talking," she whispered. She leaned forward and kissed him. He ran his hands through her hair. He pushed her against the bed. Sawyer pulled his shirt off. He pushed her hair out of her face and wrapped his arms around her. He continued to kiss her deeply. He always made her feel so safe.

All her memories of him flipped through her mind. She remembered the first time he called her Freckles. Even though it was sarcastic and she rolled her eyes at him, she didn't mind it. She thought about when he asked for a kiss. She craved his kiss since that moment. When they were in the cage, he took care of her. Every time he looked at her from across the cages, she felt his love. He lied to her to protect her. He didn't want her to give up hope. It's why he didn't tell her that there wasn't a way off their island. He didn't call her Freckles. He lifted her off the ground. His arms were around her tightly. They went to the ground. Kate kicked her pants down. It was fast and she continued to run her hands over his neck and shoulders. He whispered her name into her ear. She smiled at him and leaned up to kiss him. She wished her hair would stop falling in front of her face. She tucked her hair behind her ears and kissed him deeper. He kept saying her name. She wanted to whisper something to him, but didn't know what to say. Whatever she said, it could be the last words that he heard. But then the memories jumped ahead to him jumping out of the helicopter. He kissed her as if it was going to be the last time. Even as they kissed, Kate knew he was going to jump.

"Wait," she whispered, coming back to the present moment. He was moving to pull her pants down, but he stopped when she spoke.

"You ok Freckles?" he asked.

"Yeah," she nodded. "Yeah, I'm just-"

He got up off the bed and she sat up.

"Here's what we'll do," he began. "We're gonna get dressed, and get the hell out of this dump. Then, I'll take you to breakfast."

They were sitting at a diner waiting for their food. Kate put her hair up into a bun because it was messy from sleeping on it all night. She didn't bring anything to Sawyer's. He was looking at her. He shook his head and sighed.

"Ok, what's up?" she said. "Why are you-"

"I lied to you," he murmured.

"About what?" she asked. She didn't know if she even wanted to know.

"I didn't get a job," he confessed. "I just-I told you that because I needed an excuse. I needed to leave, but now-now I'm kind of screwed because the only skills I have are tricking people out of their money."

"Oh," she smiled. "James, don't worry about it. I'll-I'll take care of you. I've got all that money from my court settlement."

"Well, I don't think either of us are very employable," he mumbled. "I mean, you weren't convicted, but didn't you-"

"Yes," she nodded. "But-but it's fine. We'll figure it out."

"I want to be able to take care of you Kate," he said. She stood up and moved to his side of the booth. She took his hand and sighed softly.

"We'll take care of each other," she whispered.

**3 Months Later**

Kate was asleep. They were staying in a hotel in Arizona, on their way to visit Clementine. They could have made it in one day, but got a late start. They were still about 3 hours away. Sawyer was sitting on the edge of the bed. Kate woke up and saw him. She moved toward him and wrapped her arms around him from behind.

"Hey," she kissed the side of his face. "What are you doing?"

"Just thinking," he answered. "Freckles, am I-am I gonna be good at this?"

"Good at what?" she chuckled softly.

"Good at this whole dad thing," he mumbled.

"If you want to be," she smiled. She thought about the conversation that she had had with Jack. It was almost a year ago now. "James…you're not gonna ask me to marry you are you?"

"What?" he asked and he turned around toward her. He crawled back to the head of the bed with her and smiled wider at her. "No. Why would i-it's 3 in the morning, and I'm sitting here in my boxers, why would I ask you to marry me?"

"Me and Jack," she smirked. "We kind of had a similar conversation. He woke me up to ask me if he thought he was doing ok with Aaron…and then he proposed."

"I wasn't going to ask her," he told her.

''What?" she asked. "Sawyer, I'm not an idiot. I saw the ring. Don't try to make me feel better."

"I'm not," he shrugged. "You were engaged to Jack, so why would I care if you knew that I was going to propose to Juliet or not. I wasn't going to-ok, well I was-"

"James, it's ok," she shook her head. "You don't have to-"

"I got the ring," he interrupted. "I was going to propose, but then-I had it all planned. That gazebo in the middle of Otherville, it's covered in white lights. I was going to take her out there. Eat dinner. Drink. But I kept hesitating. I was afraid of what it would mean. We should get some sleep. Full day of driving tomorrow."

Kate moved toward him and cuddled against him. He put his arm around her and rested his hand on her lower back. They slept the whole night that way.

* * *

In the morning, he was kissing her. He flipped them so he was on top of her. She let out a soft moan and let him continue kissing her.

"What do you want me to do to you?" he breathed in her ear. She couldn't answer. She opened her eyes and looked up at him. He kissed her neck and ran his hands down her body. She was distracted, but when she turned her head and looked at the clock she gasped.

"Sawyer!" she exclaimed.

"Hold on," he chuckled. "I'm not even touching you yet."

"No," she put her hand on his chin and gently turned his head to look at the clock. "It's almost 10:00. We gotta get going. We were supposed to leave an hour ago."

Once they were on the road, Kate watched Sawyer as he drove. She wanted to talk to him. She opened her mouth several times to talk, but no words actually came out.

"Spit it out," Sawyer said gently.

"Huh?" she whispered.

"Obviously you want to say something," he stated. "So go ahead. We got 4 hours to talk."

"3 months," she said.

"Yeah," he nodded. "I know. We've been together 3 months. It went by fast."

"No," she shook her head. "That's how long it lasted. When we got back, me and Jack, we weren't together immediately. I had a baby to take care of. I didn't exactly want to do it by myself, but Jack was all freaked out because we had just found out that Claire was his sister. He stayed away. Finally after my trial he told me that he wanted to see me. But I told him until he could be with me and Aaron…couple weeks later he was on my doorstep. We moved so fast. We were-we were engaged within the 3 months. A few days later he found out about Cassidy and Clementine…well, ok, he didn't find out about them because I wouldn't tell him."

"You broke up with him because of me?" he asked, somewhat shocked.

"Not totally," she smiled. "I mean, partially, but not completely."

"It was about a year," he murmured. "We waited. She was upset about Jack. I was thinking about you. God Kate, for the next year, I still couldn't stop thinking about you. I mean, never when I was with her, but when I was alone in my bed I'd stay awake all night just thinking about everything that happened between us. Worrying about if you were actually pregnant, and just lied to be before."

"I wasn't," she said.

"Obviously," he chuckled.

"A while before we got together we had a really big fight about you," Kate said. "It was a few weeks after Jack's dad's funeral."

**Flashback**

"Jack, I don't know if I can do this," she said, holding the baby. "Maybe I should just give him to his grandma."

"No!" he exclaimed. "We already started the lie. We can't end it now or we have to end everything."

"I'm so-" she shook her head. "You killed him. You just killed him with no remorse!"

"I killed who?" he asked. "I didn't kill anyone-"

"You know who I'm talking about," she sighed. She put Aaron down and then put her hands on her hips. "You didn't even ask me how I would feel. You just killed him. You killed everyone!"

"Kate," he shook his head and stepped toward him. "If I didn't…if people knew that there was still people on that island, what would it mean? No one would ever believe us that the island disappeared."

"It didn't disappear!" she exclaimed. "Locke moved it. The island _moved_."

"Kate," he started again. He stepped toward her and put his hand on her cheek. She turned away from him and scoffed.

"Everything is so messed up," she sniffled. "Jack…we could have said that he lived. We could have made him a hero and then killed him. He jump-"

"He jumped because it was convenient," he replied.

"You didn't jump," she said, narrowing her eyes. "All you were thinking about was yourself. Getting off the island. Sawyer jumped to sav-"

"You didn't jump either," he interrupted. "I didn't see anyone else volunteering."

"How could he have known that the freighter was going to blow up?" she asked. "Or that the island was actually going to move. He-he was protecting us."

"Keep telling yourself that," he mumbled. She walked toward the front door and opened it.

"Please get out," she said.

**Flashback over**

Sawyer reached over and took her hand. She smiled weakly and squeezed his hand. He pulled off the highway at the next exit. She let go of his hand and looked around.

"What are you doing?" she asked. He pulled into a gas station, but didn't park at a pump. He got out of the car and went to her side of the car. He opened her car door and knelt down in front of her.

"I jumped because when the pilot of the helicopter said we needed to get rid of more weight," he began. "I saw your face first. And then I saw Hugo's. You weren't going to be able to get back home. I knew you had to make it to the ship."

She leaned forward and kissed him. He cupped her face and they kissed for a few more seconds. He backed away and stood up.

"Do you want a snack?" he asked. "I'm starvin'."

He went into the gas station, and then came back carrying a bag full of snacks and candy. He opened a bag of twizzlers and offered Kate one. She smiled and took one.

"We got into a fight about you too," he said, breaking the silence after they were back on the road for 15 minutes. "It almost ended, but then I convinced her…that I wasn't in love with you anymore."

**Flashback**

Juliet left her house. Sawyer had left without saying good morning. He never did that. She stepped out on the porch and looked. He wasn't anywhere in her field of view. She stepped off the porch.

"Hi Juliet," one of the Dharma women said.

"Hey," she said. "Have you seen Jim?"

"He went into the jungle about an hour ago," she replied. Juliet went toward the jungle. Heading toward the beach. She went quickly. When she got to the beach, she saw him. The camp was gone. It hadn't been built yet. He was running his fingers through the sand. Suddenly he stopped. He dug something out of the sand. Juliet watched him. It was a small plastic airplane. He turned it over in his fingers and chuckled.

"Whatcha doing?" Juliet asked. She stepped toward him. He turned around and sighed.

"Just thinking," he replied. "I wanted to see if they were back."

"I'm never going to be able to compete with her," she whispered and sat down next to him. He looked at her and tightened his jaw.

"What are you talking about?" he asked.

"She's gone," Juliet sighed. "We don't even know if she survived that explosion-"

"Stop it!" he exclaimed. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"If she's alive," she continued. "Which, I'm sure she is James, so you don't have to worry…but if she's alive, she's not coming back. She's gone."

"I don't want to give up hope Blondie," he murmured. "She's-they're supposed to come back. Locke said he'd bring them back."

"See?" she asked softly. "How will I ever compete with her? James, we've been together now for what? 5 months. Almost 6. But you're still thinking about her. You still come back to this deserted beach. You still love her. I don't even know how you feel about me."

"Stop it," he scoffed. "Don't do that Juliet. You know-you know I love you."

"See?" she repeated. "You can't even say it without hesitating."

"I've never been good at-" he shook his head. "I've never been good at relationships Juliet. You should know that better than anyone. You saw those files on me right?"

Juliet got up and walked toward the water. Sawyer got up to follow her. She crossed her arms over her chest. It almost looked as if she was shivering, but then Sawyer noticed that she was shaking from crying. He put his arms around her from behind and she stepped away from him quickly.

"Don't!" she exclaimed. He stayed quiet and just looked at her. "You're so good at lying. You know what to say, what to do. You-just don't. If you really love me James, you'll stop coming here. There's nothing left for you here. Your life is with me at that village right? You've said that to me before. You've said you love me. So prove it."

_3 Days Later_

Juliet was putting laundry away. Sawyer was with Miles searching the jungle. She was pushing Sawyer's shirts down to make more room, but felt something hard. She furrowed her eyebrows and reached her hand under. She pulled out the plastic airplane that Sawyer had back at the beach. It was Kate's. When Juliet saw the look on Sawyer's face when he touched it, she knew that it meant something. She walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table with the airplane in her hand. She wasn't going to make dinner tonight. When Sawyer got back, Juliet was still sitting at the table.

"Uh oh," Sawyer smirked. "Am I in trouble?"

He leaned down to kiss her, and then sat down next to her. Juliet didn't crack a smile. She looked at him and silently handed him the airplane.

"You have to choose," she murmured. "I don't want to give you an ultimatum, but I also don't like feeling like this James. So choose. Her or me? But just remember…I've been here. I'm here with you and she left."

"I'm sorry," he sighed. He leaned forward and kissed her. "You're right. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You're right, I have to stop. I have to forget about her."

**Flashback over**

"I promised her," he said. "I promised I'd stop thinking about you."

"Don't make any promises that you can't keep," she whispered.

"She's fading," he told her. "I mean…I guess I'll always think about her. But I want to be with you Freckles. Just you.".

The GPS spoke and told Sawyer to get off at the next exit. It made both of them jump. She chuckled and looked at Sawyer again.

"We're almost there," she said. "You nervous?"

"Not really," he shrugged.

"What did you get her for Christmas?" she asked. He didn't say anything. She looked at him and shoved his shoulder. "James Ford, you didn't get her a present?"

"I don't know what to get her," he murmured.

"Well we have to go shopping," she told him.

"Are you insane, it's Christmas Eve. It's gonna be a mad house," he argued.

"Do you really want to show up to spend Christmas with a 5 year old, without a gift?" she asked.

"Dammit," he mumbled.

"Turn left here," she told him. "There's a toy store down the road."

Sawyer and Kate were walking the aisles of the toy store. She took the lead. He followed her closely and looked around at all the pink toys. Kate took a sharp left toward the Lego aisle. She picked up a Star Wars Lego and handed it to her.

"Seriously?" he asked.

"She's got about 500 barbies, and a ton of dress up toys," she replied. "She likes playing make believe, and she loves playing house with Aaron, but-the last time she was at our house, Aaron let her play with his Millennium Falcon Lego, and she loved it. It was-is Aaron's favorite movie. He sometimes made her watch it."

"OK," he murmured. "Let's go."

They walked toward the front of the store. The line to pay was long. Sawyer grumbled and looked at his watch. He set the toy down to get his phone out of his pocket. He dialed Cassidy's number. As he waited for her to answer, another customer grabbed the toy off the ground and started running.

"Hey!" Kate exclaimed. She ran after the man and tackled him to the ground. He dropped the toy, and Kate picked it up. Sawyer had followed her and smirked.

"What the hell lady?" the man asked her.

"This isn't yours," she replied. Sawyer looked at her and she handed him the Lego.

"Looks like you haven't lost your touch," he chuckled.

"Security," an employee said, into a walkie talkie. "We have a situation out on the floor by the registers."

"No," Kate shook her head. "Please. We just want to get going to see his daughter. Please."

"Well you should have thought of that before starting a fight in the middle of our sales floor," she retorted.

They were stuck in the toy store for another 2 hours before finally leaving. By the time they were done talking to security, the toy that Sawyer was going to buy was gone. They went back to the Lego aisle and picked something else. It was twice as much in price, but Sawyer didn't care. He looked at his watch again and sighed deeply.

"Cassidy's gonna kill me," he mumbled. "We're like 4 hours late."

"Since when do you have a watch?" she asked softly, with a smile. He let out a soft chuckle and went to call Cassidy again.

"Where are you?" she asked.

"We're waiting in line," he sighed. "Cassidy I'm sorry. I'm sorry we're late."

"I'm putting her to bed right now," she told him. "You're too late. We always do something special just the two of us Christmas day. You're gonna have to wait till the day after tomorrow to see her."

"Cassidy, please don't-" he began.

"You said I could do this my way," she said. "So we're doing this my way. It's not my fault that you're late. You should have thought of that before."

She hung up and Sawyer sighed. He stayed quiet as the line began to move. He walked toward the cash register and paid for the toy. Kate looked at him for answers, but he still didn't say anything. The cashier gave him the total, which was over $100.

"For one damn Lego!" he exclaimed. The cashier jumped and shrugged.

"Sorry sir," she said. "I-i don't price the stuff."

"It's ok," Kate whispered. "I'm sorry, my friend is just-he's a little on edge. Here."

Kate handed the girl some cash, and waited for her change. She thanked the cashier and pushed Sawyer forward toward the door. She got into the car and slammed the door.

"What is wrong with you?" she asked.

"I can't see her," he mumbled. "Cassidy already put Clementine to bed, and she won't let me come tomorrow because they always do something together on Christmas. I'm sorry that you're missing Aaron on Christmas for nothing."

"Claire took Aaron to Australia," Kate chuckled. "Remember? They're spending Christmas in the outback with Claire's mom."

"I forgot," he whispered. "I'm sorry. Let's-let's just go."

The got to the hotel and Kate ordered room service to the room. She got into her pajamas, without bothering to try to hide herself from Sawyer. He watched her as she bent over. He walked up behind her and put his hands on her back. She stood up and turned around.

"One more," she said softly.

"One more what?" he asked.

"One more confession," she elaborated.

"Ok," he said slowly. "But I don't know how much more of this I can take." She smiled and put her hand on his cheek. She stepped forward and kissed him gently.

"I was thinking about it, since you told me that you were afraid that I might still have been pregnant," she began. Before he could interrupt, she continued. "I don't think I can get pregnant Sawyer."

"What?" he asked.

"When I was married before," she started again. "We talked about kids. Y'know typical marriage thing. I was 25. Married to this guy, who actually seemed to love me. So I decided to try-stop trying to stop it I guess. Believe me I was relieved when I wasn't, but it's when I realized that I wasn't going to be able to stay. He wanted a life. I wasn't going to give him a life, let alone bring a kid into it. But then the island. Us."

"Yeah, but Freckles, it's not like we were _trying,"_ he replied.

"But it's not like we were exactly careful either James," she argued. "We slept together more than once if you don't remember."

"Nah," he shook his head. "Totally forgot."

"James," she chuckled, but wasn't smiling. She shook her head. "Do you want me to get through this or not? Anyway, I thought that maybe-not that I wanted to be, but I thought maybe I was. When I wasn't...it wasn't like I wanted to be, but I just don't think it would have been that bad."

"Freckles," he sighed. "I was in no position to be someone's dad back then. It wouldn't have been good. Not only that, you would have been all alone because I would have jumped and left you and a baby."

"You're right," she nodded. "It would have been a mess. But it was pretty much my only shot to know if I could get pregnant. Anyway, when I got back-I-"

"Jack?" he asked.

"That time I really did think I was pregnant. I was-" she confirmed. "I really thought that I was, but I went to the doctor and they told me...I only have like 10% or less chance at ever having a baby."

"Juliet wanted one," he said. "She never said anything to me because she knew that I didn't really want one, but...I knew. She wanted one. She would have been a good mom."

"You would have been a good dad," she stated. He smirked and shook his head. "Here's your chance."

"I don't know if I can do it Freckles," he whispered. "I took one look at her and-I know she's mine. I don't know what to even think when-it's this feeling that I never even knew I could feel."

"Love James," she told him. "You feel love."

"I want to protect her,' he continued. "I almost think she would be better off without me."

"A girl needs a daddy," she replied.

"Yeah, but Cassidy seems to be doing just fine without me," he answered. He leaned forward and put his forehead against hers. She kissed him and rolled over on top of him.

"I love you," she said softly. "I love you so much. I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"Are you proposing to me?" he chuckled.

"No," she shook her head. "Just thinking."

"I told Cassidy that I wasn't going to screw this up," he reminded her. "So I'm really gonna try not to."

She was still on top of him. She leaned down and kissed him deeply. He ran his hands up the back of her shirt. She moaned softly, but stayed in control and on top. She put one leg on either side of him. She sat up and pulled her shirt off. He chuckled and pulled her back toward him. They moved slowly. He kissed her neck and moved down her chest. She rolled over and faced him.

"Merry Christmas James," she whispered.

"Is that all you got me," he smirked, looking her up and down.

"Maybe, maybe not," she shrugged. "You'll just have to wait till tomorrow."


	5. Chapter 5

Kate sat up in bed and gasped. She looked at the clock, thinking that it was much later, but it was only 7am. She looked over at Sawyer who was sprawled out on the bed hogging most of the covers. She chuckled and reached down to touch his hair. She got out of the bed and went to her suitcase. She had gotten Sawyer a new cell phone for Christmas. The one he had wasn't bad, but she wanted to give him an iPhone. She turned it on and turned the ringer up all the way. Then she dialed his new number. The phone started ringing and Kate got back into bed.

"Freckles," he mumbled. "Turn your phone down."

"It's not mine," she giggled. He opened his eyes and sighed.

"Well it's not mine," he answered. "Mine doesn't have that tutie-fruity ringtone."

"I think it's coming from over there," she replied, still smiling at him.

"What did you do?" he asked. He glared at her, but was smiling. He got up from the bed and followed the sound of the phone ringing. He picked it up and answered it.

"Hello?" he asked.

"Hey," she said into her phone. He hung up on her and went toward her. He gripped the phone in his hand as he leaned over her to kiss her.

"I don't need a new phone Freckles," he said softly into her mouth. "I just got a new one."

"I didn't know what to get you," she answered. "And I wanted to get you something that you would actually use."

"Thank you," he replied. He kissed her. She pulled him back into the bed. He let out a soft moan and flipped them so he was on top of her. She put her hands on his cheeks and backed away slightly. His phone started ringing again. He stopped and looked down at her.

"Don't look at me," she said, holding her hands up. "I'm not calling you."

"Who else has this number?" he asked.

"Answer it," she shrugged.

"Hello," he stated.

"James!" a voice exclaimed. "Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas," he said softly.

"It's Clementine!" she told him. "Aunt Kate gave me your new number. Do you want to come over for dinner later?"

"What?" he asked. "I thought-your mom told me that I would have to wait till tomorrow to come over. She wants to spend her day with you alone."

"She said I could invite you and Kate for dinner," she answered. "You guys should come. Mommy always makes really good dinner. She said dinner is at 7, don't be late."

"Ok," he chuckled. "We'll be there. 7:00."

"Yay!" she yelled. "Mommy, they're coming!"

Sawyer got off the phone and looked at Kate. She smiled at him and started getting out of the bed. He quickly grabbed her wrist and pulled her back down into the bed. He spooned against her and kissed her neck. She sighed contentedly.

"I didn't get you anything," he said softly.

"I don't need you to get me anything," she answered with a smile.

Sawyer and Kate spent the day together, sightseeing. Most of the places were closed, but they drove around. At 5:00, Cassidy called, and asked if they could come early to help with dinner. Kate gave Sawyer the directions to her house. They were on Cassidy's street. Sawyer stopped the car, but didn't turn it off.

"We're not there yet," Kate pointed down the road. "It's 5 houses that way."

"I don't know if I can do this Freckles," he murmured. She reached over and took his hand. "I mean…it was easy at Disneyland. We didn't really have a chance to sit down and talk. Clementine was too excited to even notice me. I mean-I just don't know if I can be her dad."

"Then don't be," she shrugged.

"Oh that makes me feel a lot better," he scoffed.

"No," she shook her head. "Cassidy said that she wanted to do this her way right? I mean…maybe you don't have to be her dad. Maybe you could just hang out with her. Get to know her, and then eventually it will just be natural. I mean, has she even called you dad yet?"

"No," he answered. "But I've only talked to her a couple times."

"Let's just go in there," she replied. "I mean, I don't want Cassidy to be all mad that she invited us to come early and we couldn't even show up on time."

Kate got out of the car first. Sawyer sat with his hands on the steering wheel. Kate almost thought he was going to put the car in reverse and leave. She waited before going up to the house. He turned the car off, and slowly started getting out of the car.

"Kate!" Clementine exclaimed from behind her. Kate turned around and Clementine ran toward her. She hugged Kate tightly. Kate picked her up and Sawyer made his way toward them. "Aunt Kate, why don't you come to visit me very much anymore?"

"Well," Kate began. "You know that Aaron is living with his other mom now right? So I don't see him and I can't bring him to come see you."

"Kate, come with me to my room!" she exclaimed. "James, you gotta come too."

"Sure," he smiled. "Let's go."

Kate set Clementine down and the followed her into the house. Cassidy was standing there in an apron. Sawyer looked at her and took a deep breath.

"Thanks for letting us come for dinner dimples," he said softly. Cassidy took a soft breath and almost looked as if she'd start crying.

"Yeah," she said, swallowing hard. "Um, Sawy-James, can you come with me into the kitchen?

"No!" Clementine exclaimed. "He wants to come to see my room with Kate!"

"I'll send him in, in just a second," she answered. "I want to talk to him for a minute ok?"

"Ok," she whined slightly, and dragged Kate with her to her bedroom. Sawyer followed Cassidy into the kitchen. She handed him a bowl and a whisk.

"Make yourself useful," she said. "Whip the potatoes."

"What is it Cassidy?" he asked, avoiding using her nickname. He started whipping the potatoes and Cassidy went to the stove. She stood there for a minute and then turned back around with her arms crossed.

"I really hate this," she told him. "When I see you, I see Sawyer. I see the man I fell in love with. I see my baby's father. I don't know what to do. I don't want you to hurt me and I don't want you to hurt Clementine. Did you ever feel anything for me?"

"I didn't want to," he whispered. He set the bowl down and stood up. "You were just a mark. Just a woman who's money I was going to steal. At first. But then I started-I'm not going to lie to you, I tried really hard not to feel anything for you. It just makes it a hell of a lot easier. But I did. It wasn't head over heels in love, I don't want to make you think-but I cared about you. I didn't want to hurt you. If I had gone back on it though-they would have killed us both. In the end I was protecting you."

"We could have-we could have ran away together," she said. "Been like outlaws. Running cons, going from state to state. I would have gone with you anywhere."

"And what about the baby?" he asked. "You wouldn't have wanted that kind of life for Clementine."

"I want you to be in her life," she replied. "I want her to know you. And y'know, I don't even want to tell her about all the horrible things you've done. She deserves to love her dad and think good things about him."

"I'll do whatever you want me to," he stated. "I'll come visit, once a month, twice a year, whenever you want."

"We'll plan something tonight before you leave," she said. "Can you whip the potatoes though? My wrist is sore."

He chuckled and picked the bowl up again.

* * *

Kate was sitting on Clementine's floor. She was showing her all her new toys. Cassidy had gotten her a Barbie dream house. She was silently playing, while Kate was holding a doll and smoothing out the dress.

"That's wedding Barbie," Clementine told her.

"I see that," Kate smiled. "Such a pretty dress."

"Kate, do you love James?" Clementine asked.

"Yeah," she smiled. "What makes you ask?"

"He touched your back when we were coming in the house," Clementine observed. "And you were at the hotel with him. Do you ever kiss him?"

"Sometimes," she nodded.

"Maybe you should marry him!" Clementine exclaimed.

"Why?" she asked with another laugh.

"Mommy said that when a boy and a girl love each other, they get married so they can kiss," she responded.

"Oh," Kate nodded. "I see."

"What are you ladies up to?" Sawyer asked, standing in the door.

"James, look!" Clementine said. She stood up and held her arms out to present the doll house. Sawyer knelt down holding the gift he had gotten her.

"Do you want to open one more?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. Clementine quickly ran toward Sawyer and took the gift from him. She un-wrapped the paper and gasped.

"Thank you James!" she exclaimed.

"Kate helped me pick it out," he replied.

"Thank you," she said again.

"Dinner's ready," Cassidy said coming into the room. "Clementine go wash your hands."

"Look!" Clementine stated. "James and Kate got me a present."

"Cool," Cassidy smiled. "Now go wash your hands."

Cassidy and Clementine left the room. Kate stood up and looked at Sawyer with a smile. He pulled her toward him and rested her hands on her waist. She leaned forward to kiss him, but then he stopped her. She tilted her head and kissed him anyway.

They ate dinner, and it was only slightly awkward. Clementine kept asking Sawyer questions that he didn't have answers to, like about his childhood and if she had another set of grandparents. Kate helped Cassidy do the dishes, while Sawyer went back into Clementine's room. She wanted to start putting the Lego set together.

"James," she started as they were sorting the Legos into piles.

"Yeah," he said, stopping and looking at her.

"Do you like Kate?" she asked. He smirked and nodded.

"Yeah," he replied. "I like Kate."

"She's pretty," Clementine stated. "Do you think she's pretty?"

"She's very pretty," he answered.

"Mommy always says that if two people like each other a lot they can get married and have babies," she told him.

"Uh huh," he murmured.

"How come you didn't marry my mommy?" she asked. "Didn't you like her and think she was pretty?"

"Yeah," he sighed. "Clementine, sometimes grown-ups do really dumb things. I'm sorry. It was all my fault. I did like your mommy. I should have been a better person. I'm so sorry."

"That's ok," she whispered. "But if you marry Kate, then it will be kind of like she's my other mommy right? I think that would be so fun!"

"Really?" he asked. "You think me and Kate should get married."

"If you want to," Clementine shrugged. "James, can I ask you one more question?"

"Sure," he laughed. "Go ahead and ask."

"How come I call you James?" she asked.

"Because that's my name," he replied with a smile.

"But Kate sometimes calls you Sawyer," she said. "I heard her say it."

"Oh," he nodded. "Well, that's a nick name, you can call me Sawyer if you want."

"Sawyer?" she said in question form. "Is it ok if I call you daddy?"

"I don't think you're mom wants you to," he whispered.

"Well, can it be a secret then?" she asked. "I really want a daddy."

"Ok," he answered slowly. He didn't feel that ok with it. He was scared to let Clementine call him daddy, but he also wanted to make her happy.

"Clementine," Cassidy said, from the doorway. "It's almost time for bath time and then bed."

"Nooo," she whined. "Me and dad-James are still playing!"

"Did you just call him dad?" Cassidy asked.

"He told me I could," she frowned. "I don't have a daddy. It's not fair! You can't tell me what to do!"

"Whoa," Cassidy said. "Count to three right now."

"1 2 3," Clementine counted quickly.

"He is your daddy," she replied. "You're allowed to call him that if you really want to. Why did you think I would be mad?"

"Um, Cass," Sawyer began. "I think that was my fault. I-I sort of said that you might not like it. I'm sorry-"

"Can I talk to you in the hall?" she asked crossing her arms and pursing her lips.

"Uh oh," Clementine said. "I think you're in trouble."

Sawyer stood up and followed Cassidy down the hall. Kate went with them and stood behind Sawyer. Cassidy shook her head.

"Really Sawyer?" she asked. "You're trying to make me the bad guy because you're too much of a chicken sh-"

She stopped herself and then turned around so he couldn't see her face. She didn't walk away, she just stood there with her back to him. She took a deep breath and turned back around to face him.

"If you don't want to be her dad James, you better tell me right now," she continued. "I cannot let you break her heart. You already broke mine. So what's it gonna be?"

"I didn't mean-," he began. "I'm scared. What do you want from me? I've never done a good thing in my entire life Cassidy. How the hell can a man like me be a dad? I-I'm gonna try. You're right, she deserves a dad. So-please, just let me-let me stay in her life."

"Her birthday is in exactly 3 months," she said. "March 25th. You can come back and visit her then. I want to take this slowly ok? I'm not ready for you to be in her life full time."

"Well, I dunno if I'm ready for that either," he answered. "But I'd love to come to her birthday."

"OK," she replied. "Now, I think it's time for you guys to leave so I can put her to bed. She'll never go to sleep with you guys here because she's too excited to have you here. Clementine! Come out here and say goodbye to James and Kate."

Clementine walked out and pouted. Sawyer knelt down and looked at her.

"Hmm," he began. "So your momma says that I can come see you on your birthday. Would that be ok?"

"Yeah," she answered solemnly.

"Why so sad?" he asked.

"My birthday is far away," she replied.

"Yeah," he nodded. "But hey, how about this…Kate, got me this phone for Christmas. Does your mom have a phone like this?"

"Yeah!" she exclaimed.

"Ok," he said. "Hey Cassidy? Is there a way for me to talk to Clementine face to face on the phones?"

"Yeah!" Clementine interrupted. "Facetime! Watch."

Clementine showed Sawyer how to use the phone, while Cassidy watched. She started walking away, and Kate followed her.

"Hey," Kate said. "He's just trying to-"

"I know," she sniffled. "I know he's trying. That's what makes this so hard Kate. Why didn't he try 6 years ago!"

"Because he was a coward," Kate told her. "You know that, and so does he. But he's here now. He wants to make up for it. When-when I went back…to the island. He didn't say anything in front of anyone. It wasn't until it was just me and him…he asked me about her. He asked me if I took care of her, like he asked me to. And then he-he actually said 'what's she like'. And when he said her name, he smiled. He's freaked out, but he's going to be good at this eventually. Just give him a chance. We all deserve do-overs right?"

Cassidy walked back over to where Clementine and Sawyer were. Clementine was giggling as Sawyer was asking her questions about the phone.

"You don't know anything!" she exclaimed.

"Well give me a shot," he answered. Kate looked at Cassidy and winked.

"Give him a shot," Kate whispered to Cassidy.

"OK, Clementine," Cassidy swallowed and looked down at her. "Time for J-your dad and Kate to leave."

"Bye daddy," she whispered and hugged him. He hesitated at first, but then hugged her back. He stood up and lifted her with him.

"Bye darlin'," he whispered into her ear. "I'll call ya soon, k?"

"Ok," she said.

"See ya later Clementine," Kate smiled and rubbed her arm.

"Bye Kate," she replied. She leaned over from Sawyer's arms and hugged Kate. Kate took her and then set her down.

After Sawyer and Kate left, he offered to start the drive home, and Kate fell asleep. Sawyer wasn't tired. As it got later at night, there was less and less traffic. Sawyer looked over at Kate who was snoring. He smiled and reached over to take her hand. Kate woke up and took a deep breath.

"Mornin'," he said.

"Hmm, what time is it?" she asked.

"Almost 2," he answered.

"Shouldn't we stop?" she replied.

"We're almost there," he told her.

"Almost where?" she chuckled. "We can't almost be home."

"Vegas baby," he smirked. "I kept seeing signs for it. Decided to take a little side trip."

"I've never been," she said.

"Well," he began. "Does that mean you're cool with my plan?"

"Yes," she smiled.

Sawyer got off the highway and found a small motel before they actually got into the city. They walked from the motel onto the main strip. Kate was looking all around, like a kid in a candy store. She grabbed his hand and looked around again. There were a lot of people out for being so late at night.

"Where should we go first?" he asked.

"I don't know," she shrugged. "I've never been here, remember?"

"Let's just walk then," he replied. "We'll figure it out."

"Y'know," she began. "Clementine thinks we should get married. She told me earlier."

"She said the same thing to me," he chuckled. "You think she's crazy?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "I-I mean isn't she?"

"Is she?" he asked. "I'm gonna be honest with you Freckles. When I moved back in with you, y'know after being away for a whole 5 days…it was mainly because I didn't have another place to stay. I mean, yeah, I wanted to be near you, but-I mean, it's only been 3 months. Marriage…not really in my field of vision…but-"

"But?" she interrupted.

"I don't know," he shrugged. "If I can be Clementine's dad. And if I can be in love with you. Why can't I be a good husband too? I just don't want to rush into anything if you're not sure."

"Is this a proposal?" she asked. "I mean it was only a couple days ago when we were sitting in that hotel and you were adamant that you weren't going to propose, but…I mean we are in Vegas."

"You mean you wanna get married right now?" he inquired.

"Is that a proposal?" she chuckled.

"What, do you want me to get down on one knee and buy you a 12 karat diamond ring?" he asked.

"12 karats would be about the size of my head," she laughed. "So no…"

"Should we?" he asked. "I mean, there's a chapel right there."

Kate smirked at where Sawyer was pointing. It was a gaudy chapel in the middle of the street. She looked at him, and he didn't seem to be joking. She wrapped her arms around him and kissed his lips. He stepped forward to get closer, but leaned away from her lips.

"So?" he asked.

She took him by the hand and walked toward the chapel. It was 3:00 in the morning. There were still plenty of people on the streets, but the chapel was empty, other than one couple who seemed to be very drunk.

"Are they even open?" Kate asked.

"Freckles, this is Las Vegas, nothing ever closes. Y'know, the city that never sleeps," he told her.

"Isn't that New York?" she chuckled.

"Shut up," he shook his head.

"Don't tell me to shut up," she shoved him playfully.

The people who owned the chapel seemed to be married. They were an older couple, who reminded Kate of Rose and Bernard. They signed their marriage license while the other drunk couple in the chapel were escorted out by police officers, for being drunk in public. Kate wondered how many couples got married in Las Vegas who were actually not coherent enough to even know what they were doing.

"Do you want to write your own vows?" the man asked.

"I know what I'm gonna say," Sawyer answered.

"No fair, you've had time to plan this," Kate argued.

"What in the 4.8 seconds that it took us to decide to do this?" he asked. "You've had just as much time as me so don't even give me that."

"Listen to us," she chuckled. "We already sound like an old married couple."

"Come on," he shook his head and they walked to the front of the chapel. The woman was standing in the front and looked at them.

"You make a nice couple," she told them.

"Hmm, bet you say that to all the people who come through here," Sawyer murmured.

"Well I do," she admitted. "But this time I actually mean it. So…were you going to say your own vows?"

"You go first," Kate whispered.

"I love you," he said. "That's it. I love you."

"James," she whispered. "I love you too."

"You're not going to say anything else?" the woman asked.

"We're pretty simple people ma'am," Sawyer told her with a smile.

"Yeah," Kate rolled her eyes, but smiled.

They walked around till almost daylight. Kate's feet were starting to hurt and she was leaning against Sawyer's shoulder as they walked.

"We should go to bed," he stated. "You're so tired."

"Will you carry me," she chuckled.

"Come here," he said. He picked her up and she screamed.

"Sawyer!" she exclaimed. "I was kidding!"

He carried her the rest of the way back to the motel. He set her down only long enough to open the door. Then he picked her up and carried her over the threshold. The sun was beginning to come up. Sawyer put Kate on the bed. She took a breath and closed her eyes.

"Don't you dare go to sleep," he said.

"But I'm tired," she whispered.

"You got to sleep in the car," he replied. She smiled, and he got into the bed with her. He kissed her chin and crawled on top of her. She ran her hands down his shoulders and stayed under him.

* * *

Sawyer came back into the hotel room, hoping Kate was still asleep. He closed the door as quietly as he could. They had gone to bed at 6 in the morning, and now it was nearly noon. He walked carefully to the bed and leaned over her. She let out a sleepy moan and rolled over, but didn't wake up. He put an arm on either side of her and leaned down. She woke up violently and put both of her hands up. He moved out of the way before she hit him.

"Sorry," he said with a laugh. She reached up and put her hands on his cheeks.

"What are you doing?" she chuckled.

"I went for a walk," he answered.

"We walked all night," she replied. Sitting up and frowning at him. "Are you-are you ok? Having some second thoughts. You had to go for a walk cuz you couldn't-"

"Freckles," he shook his head. "No regrets. I went for a walk, because last night or this morning or whatever you want to call it, when we got married. I didn't give you a ring."

"I don't need a rin-" she began, but he reached into his pocket and presented a diamond ring. It wasn't in a box. It had a platinum band and a large diamond. She gasped and took the ring from him. He took it back and slid it on her finger.

"So now it's official," he said softly.

"James, this is too expens-" she began.

"It was my momma's," he interrupted. "And her momma's before her."

"James," she said. "I can't-"

"Yes you can," he answered. "I want you to have it. And so would she."

"Where did you get it?" she asked.

"I've had bank accounts all over the place," he shook his head. "I put it in a safe deposit box. It's sort of part of the reason I wanted to come here-I was going to do it all right, y'know. Big proposal, but when you-last night it just felt right."

She leaned forward and kissed him. He ran his hand down her hair. She stopped kissing him, but pulled him closer and hugged him tightly.

"I love you," she sniffled. He backed away and brushed his thumbs under her eyes.

"Shh," he whispered. "Don't you cry."

"I love you so much," she said again.

"I gotta tell you something," he stated. "I'm-y'know how I haven't found a job yet?"

"Yeah, but I told you, it's fine, we can live off-" she began.

"Kate, you gotta stop interrupting me or I don't think I'll get this out," he said quickly. She closed her mouth and pressed her lips together. "I'm sorry. I just-I need to tell you this. I've been-I got back into conning people"

"What?" she asked.

"I'm in deep," he sighed. "I owe a guy, like 12,000 bucks. I need your help Freckles."

"Are you kidding me?" she scoffed. "What-what is wrong with you?!"

"I know," he replied, looking down in shame. "I'm sorry-I just-"

"You did it for the money," she whispered. "You married me because-how could I have been so stupid! You haven't changed. Cassidy was right-"

"Freckles, you gotta-," he began.

"I don't gotta do nothin'!" she exclaimed. "I believed you-"

"Kate." He grabbed her arm as she started leaving the bed. He pulled her back toward him and held her down so she couldn't get away.

"Stop!" she screamed. "Get off! Stop!"

He got off of her and held his hands up. He was shaking. She looked at him and wiped the tears that started streaming down her face. She pulled the ring off of her finger and handed it to him.

"Here," she whispered. "You want my help? Take your ring back. I'll find my own way home."

She left the hotel and slammed the door as hard as she could. Sawyer quickly went after her. He chased her down the street and pulled her toward him. He hesitated before wrapping his arms around her, afraid she might pull away and start screaming again, but she didn't. He sighed loudly into her ear.

"I love you babe," he whispered. "I love you so much. That's why I didn't tell you. I couldn't tell you that I was going to ruin our lives. Last night was such a whirlwind, but I don't regret it Freckles. I-I just need you."

"Ok," she said softly.

"Please," he shook his head. "Just-believe me. I married you because I love you. I told you the truth because I love you and I couldn't lie anymore."

They went back into the hotel room and gathered the rest of their belongings. Kate put the ring back on her finger and the went to the car. The 4 hour drive back to Los Angeles was painfully silent. Till Kate spoke.

"James," she started. "Do you want any more kids?"

"I can barely handle the one Freckles," he chuckled. "But you want 'em don't you?"

"Never really did," she shook her head. "I was like you. An outlaw. On my own. I mean, I know my bed wasn't as busy as yours, and I never stole money from any of them. Well, never more than $50. But-then I had Aaron. I never thought I'd be a good mom, but I knew I had to try. I was actually good at it. I never thought I could love anyone as much as I love him. But to think of the love I would feel for my own baby-"

"I thought you said you couldn't get pregnant," he said softly.

"I don't think I can James, so you don't have to worry," she answered. "And I'm definitely not at this very moment, I was just thinking out loud."

"Never wanted kids," he shrugged. "But from the moment that I saw Clementine, she's just so cute. And I don't like kids Kate. I've never liked kids. But it's different with her. And you were right about something, she-she looks like me."

"Yeah," Kate nodded. "She does."

"Can you ever forgive me?" he asked. "I don't think I'll be able to forgive myself if I lose you."

"You're not going to lose me," she whispered. "Because unfortunately I love you too damn much to let that happen."

**4 Weeks Later**

Kate had given Sawyer the money he needed. She was still angry, but she had forgiven him. They had gotten into a routine. Kate got a job at a school. She wanted to take night classes to get a degree in education, but she wasn't sure if that would be able to happen. Sawyer would make them dinner and Kate would do the dishes.

Usually when she came home from work, Sawyer would greet her at the door, but today he wasn't there. She walked into the kitchen to try to find him.

"James!" she exclaimed. He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. She jumped only slightly, but put her hands on his arms. He smiled at her and kissed the side of her face. She leaned into it to kiss him.

"Come up to the bedroom," he said.

"Why?" she chuckled.

"Because it's our one month anniversary. Come on."

He pulled her toward the stairs. Kate laughed again and followed him up the stairs. He kissed her in the hallway and they made their way into the bedroom. He pushed her into the bed forcefully, but not too hard. She squealed, and he kissed her neck.

'What's gotten into you?" she asked with a chuckle. He kissed her harder and she gasped for air, but didn't stop him. He pulled her shirt off quickly and ran his hand down her body.

"I love you,' he whispered.

* * *

She was laying in his arms and let out a deep breath. She snuggled against his chest. He started playing with her hair. She looked up at him and smiled.

"What was that all about," she breathed deeply.

"Nothin'," he answered. "Today, I was out and about and I was talkin' about you. Only I never actually used your name. I just said my wife. It just-I liked the way it sounded. And then, the lady I was talking to asked me if we had any kids. I told her no, because we don't really. We have Clementine, but it's not like we see her regularly."

"Do you want to move to New Mexico, Sawyer?" she asked. "Cuz if you want, we can. I mean I can go to school anywhere. I can teach anywhere."

"I don't want to move there," he shook his head. "But Clementine called me today. She asked me a favor. She made me promise I'd ask you."

"Ask me what?" she smirked.

"Clementine wants a baby brother," he said.

"James," she sat up and looked at him. "Are you serious? I told you-"

He put his fingers over her lips.

"You can't get pregnant," he interrupted. "I know. But-listen...nothin' wrong with practicing. Nothin' wrong with trying. I mean right?"

"You really want a baby with me?" she asked. He gently pushed her back down and kissed her softly. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him closer.

* * *

**2 Months Later**

They were on the way back from Clementine's birthday. Clementine was excited to introduce her dad to all of her friends. Sawyer was still freaked out. He tried his best to put on a happy face for the party. Kate was driving. She looked over at Sawyer and smiled.

"Did you have fun today?" she asked.

"Yeah," he nodded. "This whole dad thing, it's pretty confusing. I love her so much, but I just don't know if I can."

"Well what about when the new baby c-" she began and then stopped abruptly.

"New baby?" he asked. "Did you just say-"

"I was gonna wait till we got back home," she answered. She looked at him. He looked like he swallowed a brick. She sighed deeply and shook her head. "I'm gonna stop for the night if you don't mind. I'm tired, and we still have 3 hours till we get home."

He didn't argue. She pulled off the highway and found a hotel. She silently got ready for bed. Sawyer watched her, but still didn't say anything. She got into bed, and Sawyer went into the bathroom to brush his teeth. She didn't want to cry. She had a feeling that if she did it would just be chocked up to hormones. Sawyer came back into the bedroom and got into bed with Kate. He got under the covers and turned off the light.

"Goodnight," she said.

"Night," he answered nonchalantly.

"Y'know," she scoffed and sat back up. She turned the light back on and Sawyer looked at her. "I didn't ask for this Sawyer! You were the one that came to me. You were the one who told me that Clementine wanted a baby brother and that we could practice or try or whatever the hell it is you said. I thought this is what you wanted. If it's not Sawyer, then tell me right now, because I don't want to do this alone. I had to do it alone with Aaron already, and I just-I won't do it alone, so tell me now so I can-"

"Hey," he interrupted and saw that she was about to burst into tears. "I'm just surprised is all. You said that you couldn't get pregnant."

"And you said we could try anyway," she answered. "I mean, to me, that means that you were ok with the potential consequences. That you're ok with the fact that it might actually happen."

"I am," he nodded. "I'm sorry-i just didn't know what to say."

"Tell me you're happy," she whispered. "Tell me you're excited to have a baby with me."

"I'm happy," he told her. He leaned forward and kissed her.

**1 Year Later**

Kate was in the middle of getting her teaching degree. She would only have one more year before it was official. She wanted to take some time off to take care of the baby, but she knew it would only take her longer to finish. Claire was at their house with Aaron. She was sitting on the couch watching Aaron play. Kate was sitting on the floor next to her baby. It was a girl, and she named her Sawyer. Even though it was sometimes a little confusing, they were getting used to it. Sawyer was kicking her legs. She started giggling. Kate sat up and looked down at her.

"She's so cute," Claire stated, standing up and moving onto the floor.

"Mommy, I'm cute too," Aaron told her.

"Yes my love, you're cute too," Claire grabbed Aaron around the middle and kissed his cheek. He wiggled out of her grasp._  
_

"I just love her so much," Kate said. "I don't think I've ever loved anyone as much as I love her. She's just so cute. You hear that Sawyer, you're the most beautiful person I've ever met."

"Thanks," Sawyer said behind her. Kate looked up at him and rolled her eyes. He bent down and took the baby from Kate. He kissed her. She started giggling again.

"She is pretty cute," Sawyer smirked. "Looks just like me."

"In your dreams," she shook her head.

"Who would have thought," Claire began. "I mean, who would have thought that we would have ended up here. I mean you guys all married with a baby and doing the happily ever after thing? When are you guys having another one?"

"Dunno," Sawyer said. They hadn't talked at all about having more kids. Kate wasn't sure she wanted kids, let alone what Sawyer wanted.

"Well," Claire chuckled. "I can see by the silence that it's time for me and Aaron to get out of here."

* * *

Kate was laying in bed. Sawyer was taking care of the baby. She put her hand in front of her face and looked at her ring. Sawyer came back into the room and jumped onto the bed. He bounced Kate and then shoved her shoulder gently when she didn't look up. She shoved him back and chuckled.

"Whatcha doing?" he asked. "You ok?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "Just thinking about what Claire said. Y'know about us having another kid."

"Do you want another one?" he asked.

"Not right away," she replied. "But-I mean-I don't know James. Maybe."

"Do you think she was right?" he whispered, brushing his hand over her cheek.

"About what?" she said.

"About happily ever after?" he asked. She leaned forward and kissed his lips. He pulled her closer and flipped them over.

**5 Years Later**

"Daddy hurry up!" Sawyer exclaimed. "My dance recital starts soon."

"Alright," he sighed. "Your momma needs to get the camera."

"Just use your cell phone!" she whined. "Come on!"

Kate came running down the stairs. They left the house, and Kate turned around to lock the door.

"James?" a voice said "James Ford?"

"Yeah," Sawyer stated. Kate turned around and saw a man standing in front of them. She walked toward Sawyer and furrowed her eyebrows. Sawyer noticed the gun first. He shoved Kate to the ground, hard. She landed on top of their daughter, who started crying almost immediately. When Kate heard 2 loud pops, she stayed on the ground and covering Sawyer.

"You killed my father," the voice said. Kate noticed that it was an Australian accent. As soon as she heard the footsteps running away from the house and tires squealing, she got up. Sawyer had been hit twice in the chest. Kate quickly grabbed his hand and looked down at him.

"Freckles," he began weakly. "I love you."

"No," she sniffled. "Sawyer! Get into the house right now, and call 9-1-1, tell them daddy's hurt."

Sawyer stood up and frowned. Her knees were bleeding from being knocked down. But she did as she was told and went into the house. Kate looked back down at Sawyer and ran her hand over his cheek.

"I love you so much," he said even weaker. She shook her head.

"Don't," she sobbed softly. "Please, just hold on. Don't give up. You gotta fight!"

"Tell Sawyer I'm sorry," he whispered.

* * *

Kate was standing inside the church near the doors. It was pouring rain and thundering. People were coming into the church and hugging her. She looked around. There weren't very many people there. Kate was holding Sawyer's hand.

"Mommy," Sawyer began. "Will you pick me up? My shoes hurt!"

Kate bent down and picked her up. Claire came in and silently hugged them. She was crying. Claire patted Sawyer on the back and continued down the aisle to a seat. Cassidy and Clementine came in. Cassidy shook out her umbrella. Clementine saw Kate and ran toward her. Kate set Sawyer down and embraced Clementine. Clementine was crying already. Kate sniffled and sighed. Cassidy hugged little Sawyer and then picked her up.

"Mom, can I stay with Kate tonight?" Clementine asked.

"You both can if you want," Kate answered.

"Well, unfortunately I can't," Cassidy began. "I have this stupid meeting that I have to be at tomorrow morning. I tried to get the time off but my boss is a bit of a bitc-jerk. My flight leaves at 8. But Clementine can stay if that's ok."

"Kate?" the minister said. "We're ready to begin."

Kate and Cassidy made their way down the aisle to the front. Cassidy was still carrying Sawyer. When she sat down Sawyer wanted to stay on Cassidy's lap. Kate could barely hear the minister. She could hear her own breathing, and she could hear Clementine's soft sobs, but that was it.

"Now we would like to invite Kate up to speak about her husband," the minister said. Kate realized what he said and went to stand up. She walked toward the front and looked back at the crowd. It wasn't much of a crowd, but it was the important people so she didn't care.

"When I met Sawyer," she began. "James. I-I felt a connection. We were connected in more ways that I ever would have imagined. I loved him so much. The time we had together was-I told him things I've never told anyone. He knew me the best. I'll miss him."

* * *

Kate was tucking Sawyer into bed. Sawyer put her arms up for Kate to hug her. Kate hugged her tightly and kissed her over and over on each cheek.

"Mommy?" she asked. "I miss daddy."

"I do too," Kate sighed. "Scoot over."

She gently moved Sawyer over in the bed and laid down next to her. She sighed and closed her eyes.

"Tell me a story about daddy," she said.

"Once upon a time," she began. "There was a man who had a beautiful daughter. He loved her so much and wanted to protect her forever. So he-Sawyer, can I finish it tomorrow."

"Are you sad?" Sawyer asked.

"Yeah," Kate sighed. "I'm sad. I'm gonna go check on Clementine."

Kate got out of the bed. She kissed Sawyer once more and left the bedroom. She closed the door behind her and slid down the wall. She sobbed as softly as she could.

"Why did you leave me?" she asked. "It's not fair."

"Kate?" Clementine said softly. She sat down next to her and shook her head. "I don't think I'm going to be sleeping tonight."

"Me neither," she murmured. "You wanna go down and watch home movies?"

"Yeah," she nodded.

Kate and Clementine went downstairs and watched the home movies all night. In the morning Kate woke up on the couch. Clementine was laying next to her.

"I loved him," Clementine said softly.

"Me too," Kate whispered.

"He was my daddy," she frowned.

"Yeah," Kate nodded. "Clementine he loved you too. I think he'd want you to know that."

**The End**

**A/N: So this is the last chapter, but I will do an epilogue, so technically there's one more. **


	6. Chapter 6

_Epilogue_

She walked into the room. Sawyer was already there with Juliet. Hurley was hugging him. As she walked toward the crowd of people, Claire stopped her. She smiled and hugged her tightly. Charlie put his hand on Kate's shoulder. She turned around and hugged him too. Jack wasn't ready yet. He wasn't there yet, but they would all wait. He would be there soon. She stepped toward Sawyer.

"Freckles," he smirked. He hugged her warmly. She wrapped her arms around him tightly and closed her eyes. When she opened them, she saw Juliet standing behind them.

"Thanks for taking care of him Kate," Juliet said with a smile. Kate nodded and let go of Sawyer to hug Juliet. Sawyer held on to Kate's hand and pulled her back to face him.

"Tell me everything," he whispered.

"I don't think we're gonna have time," she shook her head.

"We have all the time in the world now Kate," he answered. "Just-just tell me about Sawyer and Clementine. Tell me about my daughters."

"Clementine's a doctor," she replied quickly. "Obstetrician. And the cycle stopped with you James. Sawyer turned out fine. She-she wasn't fine right after everything happened, but she ended up beautiful. Married with three kids."

"Good," he said. "She's happy?"

"Yeah," Kate nodded. "She's very happy."

"What about you?" he asked. "What happened to you?"

"I took care of our daughter," she shrugged. "Y'know how you told me that some people are meant to be alone? Well, I was alone. I've just been waiting for this moment. When I could be reunited with everyone. All of you-all of you is the reason I changed."

"Me too," he stated

"Me too," Juliet said, joining the conversation. "Isn't that the point of all this? We all need each other."

Kate leaned forward to hug Sawyer again. He chuckled softly in her ear and then lifted his head.

"There he is," Sawyer whispered into her ear. She looked back and saw Jack coming into the room. She let go of Sawyer and watched as Jack made his way through the crowd. He hugged everyone as he moved toward her. She knew that he hadn't even seen her yet. She could see the tears in his eyes. Fresh tears moved into her eyes too, but they were happy tears. Sawyer squeezed her hand and then let go.

She hugged Jack tightly, but didn't say anything. She didn't need to.


End file.
